#1 - my new toy hehe.
#2 - aha.
#3 - my sunday mornings.
#4 - klaten to jogja.
#5 - my new found love.
#6 - bye qilaaaaaaah!!
#7 - auwww. still no womb pangs. check.
The New PostSecret Book
12 years ago
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
This Space Is Not Dead
#1 - my new toy hehe. #2 - aha.#3 - my sunday mornings.#4 - klaten to jogja.#5 - my new found love.#6 - bye qilaaaaaaah!! #7 - auwww. still no womb pangs. check.Friday, May 29, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
My First Heartbreak
I stared at the slow rotating blades of the fan. The warm humid room was hardly a good place to struggle to keep awake after a 30 hour shift. Sneaking a glance at my watch; I see my duty at the clinic was drawing to the end, thank god. The nurse outside calls out a name, and I waited. I nearly nodded off but was awakened by the soft shuffling of footsteps and the sound of a woman’s voice talking to an old man that seemed to be her father.
As they sat down I couldn’t help but notice the face of the old man. One eye was barely open, and his mouth was twisted in a lopsided smile as we made eye contact.
They were plainly dressed, clean but withered old articles of clothing that had clearly seen better days. The woman was both pleasant and to the point. 5 minutes and several questions later, it was pretty clear the old man had had a stroke. He had to be admitted for observation lest his condition took a turn for the worse.
As the doctor drew up the necessary papers, I saw the old man turn to the daughter.
He put his hand on hers and gave it a squeeze. He whispers to her in her ear, something I cannot catch nor guess. They left together, the father leaning on the daughter’s arm, his feet still shuffling on the clinic floor.
Minutes later, the daughter comes in alone. Her head is low, her hands clutching the admission papers. They’re shaking uncontrollably. She patiently waits as the doctor finishes up with another patient, a man with a headache, nothing important. As the other leaves, she sits down quietly and takes his place.
Even before she says it, I know what she came back to say.
I cannot have him admitted, she says, there is no one that can be here with him.
I have three young children at home, I have to be there for them, she says.
He refuses to stay here alone, he wants to go home, she says.
The doctor seems almost callous as he looks her in the eye and steadily says without a trace of emotion, that it is entirely her choice.
“But if he dies, are you ready for that?”
The line shatters me, it breaks my heart. I scream inside my head withholding the urge to shake her and tell her to say NO, NO, NO.
But she nods her head and she says yes.
The doctor takes back the admission papers, writes a release form and hands it to her to sign. I watch as she takes that wretched piece of paper, almost a death warrant in its right, and she signs on the dotted line.
She hands back the paper to the doctor, and as he places his signature, she turns away and I watch her wipe the tears from her eyes.
Even though she doesn’t say it, I know what she means to say.
We cannot afford it, she says, there is barely money for essentials every month.
I have three hungry mouths at home, to clothe and feed, she says.
He refuses to let them suffer because of him, he wants to go home, she says.
I watch her leave. I smile and say thank you to the doctor for letting me observe his work. I make my way to that empty stairwell where I know nobody ever passes by. I sit down and weep, wondering why anybody should ever have to make that choice.
I stop when I realize it’s almost dusk, and I feel like I’ve aged years in a day.
I can only guess what happened to that old man, but I’m sure he passed on contented, set on his decision for his daughter and grandchildren. All he had left was his life, and he gave it away, because they could not afford it.
I do not know if he was a fiend, a thief, a cheater or a liar.
I do not know if he was a beggar, a roadside hawker or a cleaner.
I did not know the story of his life, but this part of it seems mine to share.
I do know that he was a loving father and grandfather, and to me, an angel in his own right.
Why look to the heavens for angels, when they walk among us?
As they sat down I couldn’t help but notice the face of the old man. One eye was barely open, and his mouth was twisted in a lopsided smile as we made eye contact.
They were plainly dressed, clean but withered old articles of clothing that had clearly seen better days. The woman was both pleasant and to the point. 5 minutes and several questions later, it was pretty clear the old man had had a stroke. He had to be admitted for observation lest his condition took a turn for the worse.
As the doctor drew up the necessary papers, I saw the old man turn to the daughter.
He put his hand on hers and gave it a squeeze. He whispers to her in her ear, something I cannot catch nor guess. They left together, the father leaning on the daughter’s arm, his feet still shuffling on the clinic floor.
Minutes later, the daughter comes in alone. Her head is low, her hands clutching the admission papers. They’re shaking uncontrollably. She patiently waits as the doctor finishes up with another patient, a man with a headache, nothing important. As the other leaves, she sits down quietly and takes his place.
Even before she says it, I know what she came back to say.
I cannot have him admitted, she says, there is no one that can be here with him.
I have three young children at home, I have to be there for them, she says.
He refuses to stay here alone, he wants to go home, she says.
The doctor seems almost callous as he looks her in the eye and steadily says without a trace of emotion, that it is entirely her choice.
“But if he dies, are you ready for that?”
The line shatters me, it breaks my heart. I scream inside my head withholding the urge to shake her and tell her to say NO, NO, NO.
But she nods her head and she says yes.
The doctor takes back the admission papers, writes a release form and hands it to her to sign. I watch as she takes that wretched piece of paper, almost a death warrant in its right, and she signs on the dotted line.
She hands back the paper to the doctor, and as he places his signature, she turns away and I watch her wipe the tears from her eyes.
Even though she doesn’t say it, I know what she means to say.
We cannot afford it, she says, there is barely money for essentials every month.
I have three hungry mouths at home, to clothe and feed, she says.
He refuses to let them suffer because of him, he wants to go home, she says.
I watch her leave. I smile and say thank you to the doctor for letting me observe his work. I make my way to that empty stairwell where I know nobody ever passes by. I sit down and weep, wondering why anybody should ever have to make that choice.
I stop when I realize it’s almost dusk, and I feel like I’ve aged years in a day.
I can only guess what happened to that old man, but I’m sure he passed on contented, set on his decision for his daughter and grandchildren. All he had left was his life, and he gave it away, because they could not afford it.
I do not know if he was a fiend, a thief, a cheater or a liar.
I do not know if he was a beggar, a roadside hawker or a cleaner.
I did not know the story of his life, but this part of it seems mine to share.
I do know that he was a loving father and grandfather, and to me, an angel in his own right.
Why look to the heavens for angels, when they walk among us?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
My First Heartbreak
Saraf, May 13 2009.
Its a damn good story but I still ain't ready to tell it yet.
Promise I'll tell soon.
Its a damn good story but I still ain't ready to tell it yet.
Promise I'll tell soon.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
My First Passing
Saraf, Friday 9.15am
Semoga rohnya ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.
Amin.
Semoga rohnya ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.
Amin.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wishing on a Star
Ever get this warm-in-your-belly secure feeling you're on a lucky streak?
I mean, come on, I got a birthday wish LIVE from DUTA at few minutes past midnight.
Godammit I was born 0011.
Hehe.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET IT CONTINUE.
Hope I'm not jinxing it by typing it here and announcing it to the world.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*Silently mouths it and swears to not swear for a month if it comes true*
any guesses peeps?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The Day
13th April.
Goodbye late nights.
Goodbye sleep-ins and skipping first lectures of the day.
Goodbye centralized holidays.
Goodbye balik kost pukul 11am.
Goodbye late nights.
Goodbye sleep-ins and skipping first lectures of the day.
Goodbye centralized holidays.
Goodbye balik kost pukul 11am.
(Blind Elmo and pillow case are strictly for kecomelan purposes)
Saturday, April 11, 2009
the answer to all lifes' questions
g.o.o.g.l.e
hey I'm also a proud member of the Facebook group Wikipedia helped me through medical school.
oi believe me la I have a crystal ball!
hows that for enlightment?
hahahaa.
hey I'm also a proud member of the Facebook group Wikipedia helped me through medical school.
oi believe me la I have a crystal ball!
hows that for enlightment?
hahahaa.
Monday, April 6, 2009
The Day Its Official
Today is the angkat sumpah ceremony.
In 7 or so hours, I'll stand up in my white shirt, black skirt and shiny white coat,
and say:
The whole thing may seems pretty pointless I suppose. Why bother dressing up and standing in lines to recite stuff inspired by some kooky guy in a toga centuries ago?
I like the idea though, its very quaint.
Like an induction ceremony to join some sort of cool secret society.
I think it serves as a good wake up call and farewell ceremony to the theory years too.
After all, after this its all work and no fun.
Crap, I'm scared.
The Day is 13th April 2009.
6 days from today.
*Lifts imaginary champagne glass in the air*
Here's to hoping I will never forget its worth it.
In 7 or so hours, I'll stand up in my white shirt, black skirt and shiny white coat,
and say:
I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.
I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.
I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.
I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.
I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.
I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.
I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.
I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.
If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.
Above all, do no harm.The whole thing may seems pretty pointless I suppose. Why bother dressing up and standing in lines to recite stuff inspired by some kooky guy in a toga centuries ago?
I like the idea though, its very quaint.
Like an induction ceremony to join some sort of cool secret society.
I think it serves as a good wake up call and farewell ceremony to the theory years too.
After all, after this its all work and no fun.
Crap, I'm scared.
The Day is 13th April 2009.
6 days from today.
*Lifts imaginary champagne glass in the air*
Here's to hoping I will never forget its worth it.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Rainbow Republic Rocks
WE DID IT !!number one baby.
berkat kaki emas Pong, we didn't even have to do a rematch.
alaaaaaa.
i wish we could still play together next year=(
this win is dedicated to Payal, Qilah, Nani.
next year korang dah balik mesia!!
always remember this.
ps: Atikah Pong Aisya K.Jim kite dah kira veteran ni.Patut ke kite offer services kite kepada team lain?Hahahaa. Ok team berminat sila contact our manager, Balvin.
Malam Sabtu
I shall be celebrating Earth Hour early!!
7pm I shall switch off all my lights!
And go BBQ by candlelight!
x sabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar=)
lesson of the day : always LOOK behind you before saying hi. no, i do not forget and forgive.
7pm I shall switch off all my lights!
And go BBQ by candlelight!
x sabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar=)
lesson of the day : always LOOK behind you before saying hi. no, i do not forget and forgive.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My Hippocratic Oath
Its 3am and its raining outside.
Been browsing through my entries after a verrrry flattering comment(Thanks babe yes I remember u) and discovered its rather memalukan that I haven't really written anything with much substance for a while.
Janji koas postponed lagi!
I'm irritated by the fact that I could have seized this opportunity and gone back Malaysia. But there's no denying that pleasant feeling when I realize I get another week to bum around instead of freaking out about the future.
Everything I've learned or tried to in these last 4years will be put to the test.
My resolve, my endurance, my faith in myself will probably be strained and bent.
I'll be bullied, called names, embarrassed, humiliated.
THAT I am sure I can take.
Its the stuff they don't tell you that worries me.
How hard will it be to sleep at night after I watch someone lose their child?
How hard will it be not to cry when I tell someone there's nothing left we can do?
How hard will the guilt be when I realize so many have it so bad?
Will I be able to live with myself if I make a fatal mistake?
Will I be able to live with myself if I find out I can't take it?
Guess its a good time to remember why I wanted all this.
Been browsing through my entries after a verrrry flattering comment(Thanks babe yes I remember u) and discovered its rather memalukan that I haven't really written anything with much substance for a while.
Janji koas postponed lagi!
I'm irritated by the fact that I could have seized this opportunity and gone back Malaysia. But there's no denying that pleasant feeling when I realize I get another week to bum around instead of freaking out about the future.
Everything I've learned or tried to in these last 4years will be put to the test.
My resolve, my endurance, my faith in myself will probably be strained and bent.
I'll be bullied, called names, embarrassed, humiliated.
THAT I am sure I can take.
Its the stuff they don't tell you that worries me.
How hard will it be to sleep at night after I watch someone lose their child?
How hard will it be not to cry when I tell someone there's nothing left we can do?
How hard will the guilt be when I realize so many have it so bad?
Will I be able to live with myself if I make a fatal mistake?
Will I be able to live with myself if I find out I can't take it?
Guess its a good time to remember why I wanted all this.
To give everybody that second chance,
To witness little everyday miracles,
To stare death in the face and not flinch,
To witness humanity at every turn,
To learn of life from every possible side,
To live for somebody else.
To witness little everyday miracles,
To stare death in the face and not flinch,
To witness humanity at every turn,
To learn of life from every possible side,
To live for somebody else.
I pray I have the will and strength to finish what I started.
I want to be remembered, not just by the people I know, but also by strangers whose lives I was able to touch in some remote small way.
I want to be significant, not shouted from the rooftops, not set in stone or carved in steel, but in the tender whisper of a mother to her newborn son, the extended lease on an ailing father's final months, the reason a smoker quits.
That shall be my mark on the world.
I want to be remembered, not just by the people I know, but also by strangers whose lives I was able to touch in some remote small way.
I want to be significant, not shouted from the rooftops, not set in stone or carved in steel, but in the tender whisper of a mother to her newborn son, the extended lease on an ailing father's final months, the reason a smoker quits.
That shall be my mark on the world.
AMIN.
*reedited this from my friendster blog. Seems awfully poyo the 1st time i reread it but decided that it shall be like my personal Hippocratic oath.Which means the poyoness is totally acceptable!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Play Ball!
Its the last year we get to play together.
Lets make it our exit a glorious one ok Rainbows?
Lets make it our exit a glorious one ok Rainbows?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Today
and DUTA AKHDIYAT MODJO
lead singer of Sheila on 7
aka the love of my life,
aka my reason for being in Jogja,
aka my number one obsession since high school,
wished me Happy Birthday!!
ok.
so can die now.
thank you so much Aidajoe sebab call aku, Balvin yang same2 lari keluar dari Happy Puppy, Hari sebab kau tukang amek gambar.
Here's more pictures of me and Duta coz I'm a shameless stalker slut like that yo!
*gambar futsal aku terpakse sacrifice sebab ramai yang 1st time jumpe die kan. Kesian tengok dieorg jakun. Hahahaha.OK ONE MORE TIME FOR EMPHASIS!
Have YOU been wished happy birthday by a celebrity you absofcuklutely adore?who shook you hand looked into your eyes and smiled so comel-ly?
SUCK IT, biatch.
wahahahahaaahahahahaaaa.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
It's been awhile
just because.full post coming up=)
omg its 0234 and i'm supposed to be up at 8 to play futsal tomorrow morning hahaha
Friday, March 13, 2009
PASS
hmmph.
and here i was planning to go back Malaysia.
just goes to show my "instinct" about about matters regarding myself suck-ass.
Oh well.
Celebrations are in order i guess.
CONGRATS SEMUA YG PASS!!
YANG FAIL, NO WORRIES GUYS, YOU'LL PROBABLY GET TO BE AROUND JOGJA IN MAY!!
dammit.
*i hate posing solo.and that picture is proof why.
and here i was planning to go back Malaysia.
just goes to show my "instinct" about about matters regarding myself suck-ass.
Oh well.
Celebrations are in order i guess.
CONGRATS SEMUA YG PASS!!
YANG FAIL, NO WORRIES GUYS, YOU'LL PROBABLY GET TO BE AROUND JOGJA IN MAY!!
dammit.
*i hate posing solo.and that picture is proof why.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
My Birthday Wishlist=)
Hehe.
I realize its still a month away but I have no idea what to blog about.
Really.
Hey, a girl can dream rite?
Plus I think surprise presents are overrated.
So......
I realize its still a month away but I have no idea what to blog about.
Really.
Hey, a girl can dream rite?
Plus I think surprise presents are overrated.
So......
I've been wanting a double layer necklace ever since I started watching Weeds.TV is veryyy influential!
Sigh.Long brass/gold quirky pendants are suuuuper adorable!
I'm pretty sure I can own dozens and still not get sick of 'em.
I've always felt that charms bracelets look sucky on me.But these are suuuuuch awesome alternatives!
Plus those charms are totally choosable.
Like, you could so pick the ones that represent yourself.
Ehem.
So friends, buddies in Jogja, Malaysia, Russia, Scotland etc.
NOW you know what I want.
HEHEHEHEHEHE.
*Click on piccas for links to respective blogshops I got it from .
And yes, I can be utterly, completely,unabashedly shameless=)
Not that I wouldn't appreciate it if you got me something totally different, it's just that there's been plenty of times I wish everybody did a wishlist. Here's to leading by example. Woot!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Ashopaholicsden is giving away AliceWonders.com bag for free!
Ok, so here goes. I know for a fact that I suck at making up slogans. That is usually the reason I have never entered any competition that requires one.
But based on Balvin's motivation and the simple fact that I'm bored and currently internet is the only thing that's keeping me sane, I decided to check it out.
And now I'm committed.
I LOOOOOVE the bag!!
Inspired by Marc Jacobs Little Miss Marc Bag.
Everybody, meet Little Miss Marc.
The Anti-It Girl.
She has humongous eyebags, she is not skinny, and she has a zipper for a mouth.
She has unstyled hair and a bad fringe.
She is perfectly imperfect.
I can soooooooo totally relate.
Me needs a designer inspired bag from AliceWonders.com because...
...its high time somebody lets an antihero into the spotlight. I will proudly carry her around and shove her under the nose of everybody and anybody baiting them to comment that all girls should be magazine/ads/Kate Moss thin and sport porcelain flawless skin and have long perfect locks. I would then use her to smack the sense into those people that dare to think that otherwise, no girl is beautiful and worthy.
The last thing they would see before they pass out is Little Miss Marc's beautiful red unzipped lips smirking.
Hehe.
So, without a doubt, she is joining my favourite girl characters line-up
Well, hope I get the chance to post a REAL picture of the bag some posts in the future!
=)
Saturday, December 27, 2008
3rd day of boredom
BONUS QUESTION: Anybody know how I can make Payal disappear from this pic?Todays activities:
Spent whole day shooting Cinderdude.God, I hope it turns out entertaining.
Had a girl accident.
Had dinner in Parsley with Aziz.
He went futsal, I went Phuket with B,P,S and her B.
Went novotel, bought a huge cookie and ate it while chilling in the lobby kononnya we guests la.
Hahaha.Had some adrenaline pumping action after that.
Shamelessly commented on my own photos on FB.
Here are my faves!!
You may see all the pics on Hanif's FB
....yes, they all feature me!
you wanna see the others get your ass over to his FB page la.
Worthit ok.
Ade gaye KAMI kan kan kan?
You may see all the pics on Hanif's FB
....yes, they all feature me!you wanna see the others get your ass over to his FB page la.
Worthit ok.
Ade gaye KAMI kan kan kan?
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