nolites te bastardes carborundorum

This Space Is Not Dead

2009-08-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

#1 - my new toy hehe.

#2 - aha.

#3 - my sunday mornings.

#4 - klaten to jogja.

#5 - my new found love.

#6 - bye qilaaaaaaah!!

#7 - auwww. still no womb pangs. check.

Ingin Pulang

2009-05-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

i miss this brat.
waaaaaaaaargh august please come soon!

My First Heartbreak

2009-05-26T02:25:00.000-07:00

I stared at the slow rotating blades of the fan. The warm humid room was hardly a good place to struggle to keep awake after a 30 hour shift. Sneaking a glance at my watch; I see my duty at the clinic was drawing to the end, thank god. The nurse outside calls out a name, and I waited. I nearly nodded off but was awakened by the soft shuffling of footsteps and the sound of a woman’s voice talking to an old man that seemed to be her father.

As they sat down I couldn’t help but notice the face of the old man. One eye was barely open, and his mouth was twisted in a lopsided smile as we made eye contact.
They were plainly dressed, clean but withered old articles of clothing that had clearly seen better days. The woman was both pleasant and to the point. 5 minutes and several questions later, it was pretty clear the old man had had a stroke. He had to be admitted for observation lest his condition took a turn for the worse.
As the doctor drew up the necessary papers, I saw the old man turn to the daughter.
He put his hand on hers and gave it a squeeze. He whispers to her in her ear, something I cannot catch nor guess. They left together, the father leaning on the daughter’s arm, his feet still shuffling on the clinic floor.

Minutes later, the daughter comes in alone. Her head is low, her hands clutching the admission papers. They’re shaking uncontrollably. She patiently waits as the doctor finishes up with another patient, a man with a headache, nothing important. As the other leaves, she sits down quietly and takes his place.
Even before she says it, I know what she came back to say.

I cannot have him admitted, she says, there is no one that can be here with him.
I have three young children at home, I have to be there for them, she says.
He refuses to stay here alone, he wants to go home, she says.

The doctor seems almost callous as he looks her in the eye and steadily says without a trace of emotion, that it is entirely her choice.

“But if he dies, are you ready for that?”

The line shatters me, it breaks my heart. I scream inside my head withholding the urge to shake her and tell her to say NO, NO, NO.
But she nods her head and she says yes.
The doctor takes back the admission papers, writes a release form and hands it to her to sign. I watch as she takes that wretched piece of paper, almost a death warrant in its right, and she signs on the dotted line.
She hands back the paper to the doctor, and as he places his signature, she turns away and I watch her wipe the tears from her eyes.
Even though she doesn’t say it, I know what she means to say.

We cannot afford it, she says, there is barely money for essentials every month.
I have three hungry mouths at home, to clothe and feed, she says.
He refuses to let them suffer because of him, he wants to go home, she says.

I watch her leave. I smile and say thank you to the doctor for letting me observe his work. I make my way to that empty stairwell where I know nobody ever passes by. I sit down and weep, wondering why anybody should ever have to make that choice.

I stop when I realize it’s almost dusk, and I feel like I’ve aged years in a day.
I can only guess what happened to that old man, but I’m sure he passed on contented, set on his decision for his daughter and grandchildren. All he had left was his life, and he gave it away, because they could not afford it.

I do not know if he was a fiend, a thief, a cheater or a liar.
I do not know if he was a beggar, a roadside hawker or a cleaner.
I did not know the story of his life, but this part of it seems mine to share.

I do know that he was a loving father and grandfather, and to me, an angel in his own right.
Why look to the heavens for angels, when they walk among us?

My First Heartbreak

2009-05-14T00:59:00.001-07:00

Saraf, May 13 2009.

Its a damn good story but I still ain't ready to tell it yet.
Promise I'll tell soon.

My First Passing

2009-05-02T03:04:00.000-07:00

Saraf, Friday 9.15am
Semoga rohnya ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.
Amin.

Wishing on a Star

2009-04-29T02:19:00.000-07:00

Ever get this warm-in-your-belly secure feeling you're on a lucky streak?
I mean, come on, I got a birthday wish LIVE from DUTA at few minutes past midnight.
Godammit I was born 0011.
Hehe.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET IT CONTINUE.
Hope I'm not jinxing it by typing it here and announcing it to the world.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*Silently mouths it and swears to not swear for a month if it comes true*

any guesses peeps?

The Day

2009-04-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

13th April.

Goodbye late nights.
Goodbye sleep-ins and skipping first lectures of the day.
Goodbye centralized holidays.
Goodbye balik kost pukul 11am.

(Blind Elmo and pillow case are strictly for kecomelan purposes)

the answer to all lifes' questions

2009-04-11T23:12:00.000-07:00

g.o.o.g.l.e

hey I'm also a proud member of the Facebook group Wikipedia helped me through medical school.

oi believe me la I have a crystal ball!
hows that for enlightment?
hahahaa.

The Day Its Official

2009-04-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

Today is the angkat sumpah ceremony.
In 7 or so hours, I'll stand up in my white shirt, black skirt and shiny white coat,
and say:

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

Above all, do no harm.

The whole thing may seems pretty pointless I suppose. Why bother dressing up and standing in lines to recite stuff inspired by some kooky guy in a toga centuries ago?
I like the idea though, its very quaint.
Like an induction ceremony to join some sort of cool secret society.
I think it serves as a good wake up call and farewell ceremony to the theory years too.

After all, after this its all work and no fun.

Crap, I'm scared.

The Day is 13th April 2009.

6 days from today.

*Lifts imaginary champagne glass in the air*
Here's to hoping I will never forget its worth it.

Rainbow Republic Rocks

2009-03-28T12:31:00.000-07:00

WE DID IT !!
number one baby.
berkat kaki emas Pong, we didn't even have to do a rematch.
alaaaaaa.
i wish we could still play together next year=(

this win is dedicated to Payal, Qilah, Nani.
next year korang dah balik mesia!!

always remember this.

ps: Atikah Pong Aisya K.Jim kite dah kira veteran ni.Patut ke kite offer services kite kepada team lain?Hahahaa. Ok team berminat sila contact our manager, Balvin.

Malam Sabtu

2009-03-28T04:34:00.000-07:00

I shall be celebrating Earth Hour early!!
7pm I shall switch off all my lights!

And go BBQ by candlelight!
x sabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar=)

lesson of the day : always LOOK behind you before saying hi. no, i do not forget and forgive.

My Hippocratic Oath

2009-03-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

Its 3am and its raining outside.
Been browsing through my entries after a verrrry flattering comment(Thanks babe yes I remember u) and discovered its rather memalukan that I haven't really written anything with much substance for a while.

Janji koas postponed lagi!
I'm irritated by the fact that I could have seized this opportunity and gone back Malaysia. But there's no denying that pleasant feeling when I realize I get another week to bum around instead of freaking out about the future.
Everything I've learned or tried to in these last 4years will be put to the test.
My resolve, my endurance, my faith in myself will probably be strained and bent.
I'll be bullied, called names, embarrassed, humiliated.
THAT I am sure I can take.
Its the stuff they don't tell you that worries me.
How hard will it be to sleep at night after I watch someone lose their child?
How hard will it be not to cry when I tell someone there's nothing left we can do?
How hard will the guilt be when I realize so many have it so bad?
Will I be able to live with myself if I make a fatal mistake?
Will I be able to live with myself if I find out I can't take it?

Guess its a good time to remember why I wanted all this.

To give everybody that second chance,
To witness little everyday miracles,
To stare death in the face and not flinch,
To witness humanity at every turn,
To learn of life from every possible side,
To live for somebody else.

I pray I have the will and strength to finish what I started.
I want to be remembered, not just by the people I know, but also by strangers whose lives I was able to touch in some remote small way.
I want to be significant, not shouted from the rooftops, not set in stone or carved in steel, but in the tender whisper of a mother to her newborn son, the extended lease on an ailing father's final months, the reason a smoker quits.
That shall be my mark on the world.

AMIN.

*reedited this from my friendster blog. Seems awfully poyo the 1st time i reread it but decided that it shall be like my personal Hippocratic oath.Which means the poyoness is totally acceptable!

Play Ball!

2009-03-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

Its the last year we get to play together.
Lets make it our exit a glorious one ok Rainbows?

Today

2009-03-16T04:43:00.000-07:00

and DUTA AKHDIYAT MODJO
lead singer of Sheila on 7
aka the love of my life,
aka my reason for being in Jogja,
aka my number one obsession since high school,

wished me Happy Birthday!!
ok.
so can die now.

thank you so much Aidajoe sebab call aku, Balvin yang same2 lari keluar dari Happy Puppy, Hari sebab kau tukang amek gambar.
Here's more pictures of me and Duta coz I'm a shameless stalker slut like that yo!

*gambar futsal aku terpakse sacrifice sebab ramai yang 1st time jumpe die kan. Kesian tengok dieorg jakun. Hahahaha.

OK ONE MORE TIME FOR EMPHASIS!

Have YOU been wished happy birthday by a celebrity you absofcuklutely adore?
who shook you hand looked into your eyes and smiled so comel-ly?

SUCK IT, biatch.
wahahahahaaahahahahaaaa.

It's been awhile

2009-03-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

just because.
full post coming up=)

omg its 0234 and i'm supposed to be up at 8 to play futsal tomorrow morning hahaha

PASS

2009-03-13T00:18:00.000-07:00

hmmph.
and here i was planning to go back Malaysia.
just goes to show my "instinct" about about matters regarding myself suck-ass.
Oh well.
Celebrations are in order i guess.

CONGRATS SEMUA YG PASS!!

YANG FAIL, NO WORRIES GUYS, YOU'LL PROBABLY GET TO BE AROUND JOGJA IN MAY!!
dammit.

*i hate posing solo.and that picture is proof why.

My Birthday Wishlist=)

2009-02-01T06:58:00.000-08:00

Hehe.
I realize its still a month away but I have no idea what to blog about.
Really.
Hey, a girl can dream rite?
Plus I think surprise presents are overrated.
So......

I've been wanting a double layer necklace ever since I started watching Weeds.
TV is veryyy influential!

Sigh.
Long brass/gold quirky pendants are suuuuper adorable!
I'm pretty sure I can own dozens and still not get sick of 'em.

I've always felt that charms bracelets look sucky on me.
But these are suuuuuch awesome alternatives!
Plus those charms are totally choosable.
Like, you could so pick the ones that represent yourself.

Ehem.
So friends, buddies in Jogja, Malaysia, Russia, Scotland etc.
NOW you know what I want.
HEHEHEHEHEHE.

*Click on piccas for links to respective blogshops I got it from .
And yes, I can be utterly, completely,unabashedly shameless=)
Not that I wouldn't appreciate it if you got me something totally different, it's just that there's been plenty of times I wish everybody did a wishlist. Here's to leading by example. Woot!

Ashopaholicsden is giving away AliceWonders.com bag for free!

2009-01-13T04:43:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here goes. I know for a fact that I suck at making up slogans. That is usually the reason I have never entered any competition that requires one.

But based on Balvin's motivation and the simple fact that I'm bored and currently internet is the only thing that's keeping me sane, I decided to check it out.

And now I'm committed.

I LOOOOOVE the bag!!

Inspired by Marc Jacobs Little Miss Marc Bag.

Everybody, meet Little Miss Marc.

The Anti-It Girl.

She has humongous eyebags, she is not skinny, and she has a zipper for a mouth.

She has unstyled hair and a bad fringe.

She is perfectly imperfect.

I can soooooooo totally relate.

Me needs a designer inspired bag from AliceWonders.com because...

...its high time somebody lets an antihero into the spotlight. I will proudly carry her around and shove her under the nose of everybody and anybody baiting them to comment that all girls should be magazine/ads/Kate Moss thin and sport porcelain flawless skin and have long perfect locks. I would then use her to smack the sense into those people that dare to think that otherwise, no girl is beautiful and worthy.

The last thing they would see before they pass out is Little Miss Marc's beautiful red unzipped lips smirking.

Hehe.

So, without a doubt, she is joining my favourite girl characters line-up

Well, hope I get the chance to post a REAL picture of the bag some posts in the future!

3rd day of boredom

2008-12-27T08:59:00.000-08:00

BONUS QUESTION: Anybody know how I can make Payal disappear from this pic?

Todays activities:

Spent whole day shooting Cinderdude.God, I hope it turns out entertaining.
Had a girl accident.
Had dinner in Parsley with Aziz.
He went futsal, I went Phuket with B,P,S and her B.
Went novotel, bought a huge cookie and ate it while chilling in the lobby kononnya we guests la.
Hahaha.Had some adrenaline pumping action after that.
Shamelessly commented on my own photos on FB.

Here are my faves!!
You may see all the pics on Hanif's FB

....yes, they all feature me!
you wanna see the others get your ass over to his FB page la.
Worthit ok.

Ade gaye KAMI kan kan kan?

2nd day of boredom

2008-12-26T10:15:00.000-08:00

Went campus,lab secretariat was closed for the day.
Went to pay my internet bill.
Went G16 to help with the peeling, cutting etc.
Watched Penelope.
Ate DELICIOUSSSSS kurma, acar, kari hati, papadoms.
Finished Penelope.I LOVE U JAMES McAVOOOOOOOY!!
Went photoshoot late. Sorry Hanif. Ye la next time pagi pulak.
Did costumes at G16, officially HQ of 2005 batch kot.
Came back, blogged and finished up my FB album of Top 10 Faves Diwali Nite shots.

Here's a sneak peek of the shoot!!
One Sunny Friday...

1st day of boredom

2008-12-25T10:19:00.001-08:00

Woke up 12 noon.
Lunch Pak To and Ibu jus.Watched Pineapple Express.
Walked to Rinjani, only to discover it was closed.
Took bike to see Aziz and saved Dexter from being stuck.
Went Wulandari for a much needed Creambath.
Went Hani's for Payal's Xmas Dinner.
Decided to play pool but Black Canyon was closed at 10.
Went Caesar, discovered it was closed for Xmas.
Went back Saphir to have chillo at Ooh La La.
Watched Speed Racer.
Blogged.
Realized what a shit ass lame entry this is.
and oooh, do I love Choc Mint!!
But I will keep to my resolution!

May tomorrow be more promising.

OMG

2008-12-23T05:33:00.000-08:00

My ten day holidays start thursday.
Which means I shall start being bored tomorrow.
(Heck, I'm bored right now)

Goddammit.
What am I supposed to do for ten freaking days here in Jogja without class and reports?
There is nothing to study for or obsess about.
Damn.Even freedom has its downsides.

So I decided to make a list of things I should probably do.

1. Spend an entire day in Jolie.
2. Go iceskating/bowling/pool/swimming.
3. Watch my long-on-hold Season 2 of Gossip Girls.
4. Re-watch Scrubs.All seasons.
5. Get a dye job.
6. Go salon-ing.
7. Attempt to walk to Malioboro.
8. Shoot a movie.Haha.
9. Do a photoshoot with a compact camera.(Org SLR semua balik)
10. Do a Josh Hartnett bus date with TransJogja.
11. Learn how to cook.
12. Go Solo waterpark.
13. Play basket/futsal.
14. Get a part time job.
15. Make generic birthdays cards for future use.
16. Bug Aziz for one whole day.
17. Settle my dedication cards.

Hmmm. And I shall blog everyday about what I do!
Wahahaha. Lame gila.

Basket Babes

2008-12-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

All Hanif Ariffin's awesome work. He's not afraid to get down and dirty to get some awesome shots too!! See more of his work here.

Of course it doesn't hurt that the background is Bangunan Radioputro, Fakultas Kedokteran, Universitas Gadjah Mada, Jogjakarta, Indonesia.
We got nice tall buildings=)

AND THE GAME BEGINS!!

my fav shot!

CUN GILAAAAAAA

and camera pans to the audience:

and of course....

Spesel thanku sbb bwk photographer datang.
Plus aku rase gambar ni cun mungkin layak dihantar Salam Lebaran dari Seberang hehe ataupun tukar la ja jadi YM display kau Yek.

PS : Oi Anip, aku dah promote kau nanti aku kahwin free eh. Tak pun ajar aku bile aku beli dSLR aku nanti.hehehee.Hey it dont hurt to dream kan!)

Remember!!

Navigate life.
(like some inspirational ad wtf haha)

lessons of the day

2008-11-29T02:01:00.000-08:00

when the corresponding authority does nothing,
retaliate with an efficient well-placed blow at the wrongful party.

sorry. seriously. seriously.
keeping emotions in check is not exactly my strongest point.
but hey i don't see why we should continue the animosity off court.

and its nice how some people can still surprise me.
thank you really.
i need to be proven wrong once in awhile.

nothing like it

2008-11-26T08:05:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I've posted any random musings. But something Dinie wrote struck a chord with me the other day. I've been with my significant other almost three years now so its been a loooong while since I've had a crush on anybody that could actually lead to somewhere.

And you know what, I miss it.

Don't get me wrong, I love knowing there's always someone who'll meet me for dinner, come what may. I love knowing I'll get flowers on our special occasions. I love having somebody who'll pick up the phone and listen to me whine late at night. I love having somebody who'll come over and baby me if I fall sick.
I love having somebody I can count on, irritate,bully, whine, torture and threaten no matter what.
(Ok, I definitely dramatized some stuff- nobody's that perfect!=))

But then there's that heady, giddy, absofcukinglutely floating on cloud 9 feeling when that guy I've been eyeing finally replies my flirty messages.
There's that school girl giggling and blush to my cheeks when I see him pass by and my friends tease me about it.
There's that passionate gazing at his perfect retreating back, flawless smile, gorgeous eyes and other miniscule details that only I notice.
There's that fidgety impatience when I check my phone a gazillion times waiting.
There's that insanely unbearable moments staring at the send button.
And then there's that gnawing hole inside when I see pictures of him and his girlfriend.
There's that dull pain that refuses to go away when I realize he's not going to reply anymore.
There's that sharp pang that hits me out of nowhere when I'm with my friends and he passes by.
There's that devastating ache that comes automaticly when you hear a heartbreak song and realize its perfect for you.
That's why they say there's no love like unrequited love.
It gives you the highest possible highs and the lowest possible lows.

It hurts, it sucks and it might feel like forever but it will get easier.
The moment you wonder if the hurt is ever going to end is often the day you'll realize it has.
And there will be a day when you'll realize an entire day has gone by and you did not think of him at all.
Just when you thought the hurt would destroy you, you realize that it has only made you stronger.

Cliche as it is, I sincerely believe you need to meet a few "bad" guys so that you'll know when its the right one.

I've had my share of beautiful disasters.
I've soared, crashed, burned, and picked myself up after.
I've made the same mistakes more than twice.
I've learned what I was supposed to and then some.

And I still wouldn't change a thing.

The Fashionista Diaries (End)

2008-11-23T07:20:00.000-08:00

Remember this?I know a lot of you were expecting a follow-up but sadly I could not deliver.
What I can do however, is show you the end result of my nagging, bullying and endless tirades mentioning how ugly some guys are with long hair.

YES, I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT
MR. AVERAGE JOE IS NOW A CERTIFIED CUTIE!

want more proof??

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Mr. No-More-An-Average-Joe in formal wear!

Now for an old photo so everyone can CLEARLY appreciate the new Kuden better.

(Scroll up to compare)
Of course, biggest credit goes to the Guru, whose tireless efforts may be seen as below .

ehem. Discuss!

futsal pics are on my facebook!

2008-11-19T08:28:00.000-08:00

(ni sneak peek saje la konon hahaha)

In case you're all wondering whats with the all the rainbows, its just that my patented team trademark name is Rainbow Republic.
And i adore rainbows because i cannot decide on a favourite colour.

and my FAVOURITE picture of the day.....!!

SUPER COMEL LA WEYYYYYY

Tagged lagi!!

2008-11-18T01:42:00.000-08:00

1) Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right NOW!. 2) DON’T change your clothes, DON’T fix your hair…just take a picture. 3) Post that picture with NO editing. 4) Post these instruction with your picture. 5) Tag 10 people to do this.

I did exactly all that was mentioned above ok.

WARNING - Some of these answers will definitely put off potential suitors hahaha.If you think you might wanna date me in the future, I strongly suggest you DON'T READ it. Hell, you'll probably get nightmares.

1.How old are you?
22. Old enough to still be an idiot most of the time though,haha.

2. Are you single?
Nope.

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Earliest 27.Most probably 28 kot.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
Nope.No further comments on this=)

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
THE ONE. My other half,better half,significant other,partner,soul mate-whatever people are calling em these days.

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
Hell yes garden wedding!Though I'm the 1st grandchild, I plan to scheme, scream and threaten my way into what I want. Hence also, my future husbands family has to either be very sporting or non-existent.

7. Your ideal motif?
White with splashes of colourful bouquets of every flower under the sun at every corner.Or tasteful blue and gold furnishings with white lilies and gerbera daisies at every table. Lilac is also an option. I'm going for colour!

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Paris-Rome-Athens.Scotland, Ireland boleh jugak. Paling cikai we do a tour of Asia. I love places with history, character and plenty of cun places to make out in public.HAHAHAAa.I'll be married people!Screw everybody else!

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
I have no idea la. I totally suck at estimating crowds numbers.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
Extravagant seems to border on tacky. I much prefer something something that just basically speaks for itself without having stand up and shout.Does that make sense?

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
Original please. Ok la my future hubby is allowed to borrow from songs if I think it totally describes me super well.

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
Don't care just as long as its not that crappy icing type.But it definitely has to suit the theme. I was thinking of having cupcakes. How many people actually eat cakes at weddings anyway?

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?
I'm thinking a destination wedding. But I'd have to marry a suuuuuuper rich guy to do that or at least earn gazillions before I get married. BAH! Beachside resort sudah kot. Maybe somewhere in KK.Sipadan ke.Hahahaha.

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
Evening, preferably at dusk----SAME LA DINIE!!

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Outdooors!!Mosquitos hate me, other people can just suck it up and shut up.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?
HELL YES.This day is about me, me and me!

17. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding?
I'm having a band that plays Colbie Caillat, Sarah Bareilles, Sheila on 7, Marie Digby and future hubby can add a few kot. He has to sing me Anugerah Terindah Yang Pernah Ku Milik of course. If his voice sucks ass then he can fly Duta to do it for him.

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night.Hence the dusk thing I think I would look super crappy in the morning.

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
Light.Screw everything conventional and traditional like campak2 air mawar and bersanding and etc which I absolutely HATE HATE HATE having to sit through all that at other peoples weddings.

20. What age do you want to get married?
After 2/3 years of experiencing single working life. Like Sex and the City minus the sleeping around kot.

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.

Somebody who would sing me A Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz feeling abes because he meant every single word. Somebody who can sweep me off my feet yet keeps me grounded. Somebody who knows all my quirks and little rules and thinks them cute and lovable. Somebody who would hold me close the minute he knows I'm hurting. Somebody who automatically puts his arm around me when he notices some random guy checking me out. Somebody who brushes the hair out of my eyes when I'm all sweaty and flustered. Somebody who would wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to make me breakfast because I asked. Somebody I can share absolutely everything and anything with.

Somebody who wants me to be the last thing he sees at night and the first thing he sees in the morning.

Even after 5,10,20,30,50 years.

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
Tangan sudaaaah.

23. Champagne or red wine?
Never tasted either.

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Right after!There is no way in hell we're doing it anywhere in the vicinity of my parents.TOTAL gross-ness.

25. Money or household item?
Money. Or self picked wedding registry household items. I hate surprises. Unless good friends that really know me picks them.

26. Who will pay for the bills?
Share la!I hardly think its fair he's footing the bill for MY fantasies.

27. Are you ready for married life?
Definitely nope. But I'm hanging on to the hope that when you're with THE ONE, everything just sorta falls into place.

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until u get married?
Yup.Unless James Mc Avoy/Josh Hartnett/Nick Atkinson is all alone with me on a deserted island.Hahahaa.

29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
Definitely. Infidelity is something I cannot even fathom forgiving. Why would I do that to someone else?

30. How many kids do you like?
3.I also want different sex twins!

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
Don't care.

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
There's no way to tell for sure is there.I am not totally against the idea of divorce if its the best thing for all parties.

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
This is one aspect of my wedding I could not care less about. I'll let future hubby decide this one so that he doesn't feel like I'm totally monopolizing the wedding.

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a cd or dvd?
DVD or whatever more canggih format the future brings.

I tag:

Balvin
Ayu
Nadiawani
Toy
Nani
Doyot
Irda
Pedon
Fren
Sape2 la yg nak update but no ideas.

futsal status!!

2008-11-16T08:19:00.000-08:00

nope, no placing.

but we all played superbly i think.
clean game, no emo episodes. everyone kept their cool.

and at least we can say we did not lose to the champs!
seri ok.nasib or skill, i have no idea, just thankful=)

Bandung team deserved it. Whatever said and done, they were a very strong team with amazing skill and tenacity.
Surabaya was an awesome match too! Great defense and sportmanship.
We learned a lot from participating this time.

To my rainbow team,
We had our superb moments too kan?
Pape pun, yang penting we gave our very best.
NANTI KITE BUAT JERSEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
(pics to follow hopefully)

Rainbow Republic reconvenes!

2008-11-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

Rainbow Republic's back.
Revised, revamped with some new faces and line changes.

Our new goalie!

New gorgeous super confident secret weapon!

Supporter yang dipaksa main akhirnya!

Same old-same old.

Our drama mama!!

Welcome to Kechik and Clemency sorry xdek gambar korg kot.Wahahaha

Sape nak datang support sile bawak banner wahahaha x pun pakat pakai colour same=)
Planet futsal.Saturday.9am-wrap.

Cheerleader wannabes please make an appointment for interviews/audition with Kuden and Geetha.

"pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?"

nah sayda!!

2008-11-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

zaman rambut natural

zaman rambut perm

zaman rmbut pendek tapi di fake pjg

**zaman rambut pendek x banyak gambar sebab dah tiada camera

Happy endings

2008-11-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

Introducing my new favourite song on repeat!!!Listen or read the lyrics!Total awesome-ness!

Fairytale, Sarah Bareilles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqejXw4-4zE

Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a crush on the guy at the liquor store
Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here

Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood
For shame she says
"None for you dear prince, I'm tired today"
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

I don't care for your fairy tales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again cause
What else can you do with seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and she calls up a friend
Says will you meet me at midnight?

The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says,
"Would have cut it myself if i knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows"

Cause I don't care for your fairy tales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that i should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing, I hold my head down and I break these walls round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

I don't care for your fairy tales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting
Spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb
appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
Cause I don't want the next best thing
No, no I don't want the next best thing

The unevitable

2008-10-28T00:27:00.000-07:00

Its back to Jogja this Sunday!
Dammit.5weeks felt way shorter this time around.
As much as I am looking forward to the unlimited freedom that awaits me in Jogja, there is much to be missed here in Malaysia.
The car.
The comfort eating binges.
The darling ever so baik hati driver.
The breakfastses.
The family.
Who else is gonna force me to wake up so I'll send them to school.
Who else is gonna bug me to drive them to the playground.
Who else is gonna do my bidding?
Everybody's growing up so fast too.
I've settled for probably being the shortest in the family.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

and I'm plucking up the courage to ask for an early graduation present.

Canon EOS 1000D (Rebel XS/ Kiss F)

Please please please come delivered by my smiling parents on my graduation day.
PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASE.
Yes I know zero-nil-jack-shit about handling a dSLR.
BUT I AM SO WILLING TO LEARN!!
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
UPDATED: asked.no definites.an awesome transition car isn't really MY grad present is it? SIGH. maybe I'll just have to wait til my 1st paycheck.

Why I want a SLR

2008-09-29T00:24:00.001-07:00

To literally capture moments like these.

Who says you need wings to fly?

Blue sky blue

Laskar pelangi

I love everybody's expression here even though Geetha's covering half her face

My favourite kampung boy

The lonely road

Green green grass

Hee-haw

Sepet II

Journey ends in lovers meeting
Ehem!
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Imagine if I can take these awesome shots using a compact camera, what great feats I will be able to perform with a SLR.Hahaha.Great, now all I have to do is convince my parents!

Now for some self indulgent shots!
Hahahaaa

hmmph.it does look like weed

anyhoo,
Slamat Hari Raya everyone!

Magelang Roadtrip

2008-09-21T23:56:00.002-07:00

Dikky was kind enough to invite us to his house in Magelang (finally!!) for the weekend. Being the darling punctual person that he is, he arrived sharp at 8 am driving his oh-so-berjasa-to-us Kijang. But hey, a girl looks best after she just gets up right?
(Cue understanding gasps from all womankind and much muttering/groaning from mankind and an anticipated tension from dumbasses)

Whatever.

Ugliness is no sin, bad taste is.

Hehehee.
So, Ta-daaaaa!!

What's a roadtrip without in-the-car pics?

the co-pilot

Darling Punctual Dikky, Super Supir
notice how the grass is greener on my side?PUN intended

the others
non-functional peruts who just came for free food

trying to fit everybody in

Funny faces
Kuden pushed Geetha away from the frame!

The wajib shot

And now....
Precious moments!

1,2,3.....AUWWWWWW

Dikky's baby sister's clique
We think girl in brown likes Haneef!!

SClub5?

totally unplanned ok!!
tapi bukan yang pertama kali kan di?haha

Kuden caught on camera fixing his precious hair

Budak bandar x pernah jumpe sawah

More budak bandar jakun action

watching Dikky's super granma tangkap a humongous keli

COMING UP: Reasons why I badly want an SLR.

Magelang

2008-09-21T23:56:00.001-07:00

15 things

2008-08-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!!

Okay here we go;

1. I feel like puking when I think about eating telur goreng and mee goreng together.

2. I shake all over when I get super pissed.

3. My 1st theft was a 50 sen gift card from some mag shop.

4. I used to do ballet.Yes, the pink tutu type!

5. I die a little inside every time somebody calls me "Nad".

6. I wish I can dance kick-ass-ly.

7. I switch off my room lights when I feel like crying under my blanket.

8. I can't sleep with a comforter.I like thin blankets.

9. I would rather die frozen than dehydrated.I like being cold.

10.Honest to God, I hate sangke comel kids.But they seem to loooove me.

11.White chocolate reminds me of pigeon poop.

12.I badly BADLY want a tattoo, but then I'll burn in hell longer than I've estimated.

13. I stretch out my jeans by performing some sidekicks and turning kicks.hehe.

14.When Aziz speaks to me in BM, I feel like I'm talking to somebody else.

15.I do most of my thinking in English.

HaneefAzme - update la!
Phaik Sia - hehe.now we're even!
KurtKuden - in english.
Amelia - coz we both remember and loved Moondreamers.
Sujen - i want to know your dirty lil secrets.
Balvin - so your blog isn't just about bitching on exams.haha
Dikky - my BFF.so you went to paris,move on already!
Guna - so he attempts the frivolous.
Dinienaj - i know you're as neurotic as i am.
Rean - for something less dark!

the need to vent

2008-08-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting........................................................,

my feet are cold.
my hands are shaky.
heart's a pounding and my tummy's rumbling.

damn you nasik soto!
i'm still pissed.

no matter what happens, i thanku for making me aware how many people love me.
hehe.

Time better spent?

2008-08-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Screw the earlier entry. I've decided to write a totally nonsensical story.

Once upon a time, there was this girl who was kinda hungry. Not ravenous-hungry, mind you, just kinda hungry because all she had for dinner yesterday was about 12 sticks of chocolatos. Plus she knew that she would just be plain bored if she went immediately went back home. Having a bf/significant other/person she was currently dating available, she decided to ajak him go lunch. After all it was only 11+ in the morning and she knew he didn't really have anything to do until 12. So she asked him. He said he was waiting for a friend and and after that go lunch. Since that friend was also her friend, she decided to wait too. After spending about 10minutes just walking around and doing nothing while waiting, she finally asked him again.
He wanted to go somewhere she didn't.
So she just decided to go home and bitch about how she totally wasted 10 minutes doing nothing.
And how she's still kinda hungry even after finishing the other 12 sticks of chocolatos.
And how if her bf/significant other/person she was dating was smart and totally awesome, he would hurry up and finish his minor surgery and cathether osce practice and buy what she wanted for lunch and deliver it to her door just to make her happy.
After all, it is ONLY the third time this week he made her pissy. And she did ajak him go dinner numerous times yesterday but he said he was tired and lazy. So she let it go and thought "wth hey, there's still tomorrow right?"
I mean surely he heard the sarcastic "never mind" she said when he said "are u sure?" rite?
However being an expert on men being just men,the girl realized the chances of this happening is next to nil because men just don't learn.

Plus it simply is not something he would have been able to think of on his own. Or atleast thats what she thinks.Unless of course some amazing friends of theirs would chance upon this nonsensical slightly pissy-toned entry and showed it to him. Or by sheer luck he decides to actually just check on her blog after seeing her "i want a new bf" status on ym.
Fat chance.
Also being an expert of men being men, the girl realized the bf/significant other/person she is currently dating will just get pissed when he reads this because "oh you only write about all the bad stuff i do" and "can't u understand i was busy" and "it always has to be done your way doesn't it?"
But she's hungry.
And bored.
And totally refuses to go out on her own because she's stubborn, vindicative and immature.
And all she's fueled on is 24 sticks of chocolatos.
Blame the chocolatos.

BAD, BAD chocolatos!

And she realizes she'll most probably have to go apologize to the bf/significant other/person she is currently dating later.But now she's just gonna sleep and hope that knock on the door that wakes her up is his.With lunch.

my stage debut

2008-08-26T02:29:00.000-07:00

HAAHAHAHAHAAAAaaa

thanks to jernih, atai, nicholas, botak, qayyum and ray for the chance
it's pretty fun being a girl in a boys club

so next goal: performing "Lucky".Who wants to play Jason Mraz?

my most favourite movie ever

2008-08-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

(EVER.EVER.EVER)

Starring: Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kevin Spacey, John Cassini

Director: David Fincher
Screenwriter: Andrew Kevin Walker
Producer: Phyllis Carlyle, Arnold Kopelson
Composer: Howard Shore

Released in 1995, I was 9 so I obviously did not watch/even knew about it then. I was ten when I saw it for the 1st time on TV3 blockbusters or whatever it was called. I remember patiently waiting for the 2nd half after the midnight news.
It's been 12years and I have completely lost count of how many times I've watched it since then.
I still scream NOOOO out loud when John Doe taunts Mills in the car.
My hands still go completely cold when the delivery van comes into the sight.
I still fervently hope that its not Tracy's head in it.
I still ball my hands into fists torn between wanting Mills to shoot the sick bastard or let him go to court.
And I still think Brad Pitt is oh-so-comel when he cries.

Watching it again nowadays totally gives me a whole new appreciation for the fine acting.
Like how Brad Pitt looks super real and tortured when he's aiming at the perp's head. And how I can so see the resigned look and fear when John Doe is aiming the gun at his head in the rain.
And how I really bought Gywneth Paltrow was like such a wallflower type.I remember thinking "Wtf?Couldn't she be more feisty or have more character??".I never thought much of her as an actress until I watched Sylvia.
Morgan Freeman is well, Morgan Freeman. Totally delivers every time.I so love the way he speaks.
Kevin Spacey had the quiet, eerie and distinct tone of a self-righteous deluded intelligent psychopath down just right.

I also love how this movie makes the macabre seem so artistic. There are plenty of references to great literary Milton's Paradise Lost, Dante's Inferno, The Divine Comedy, Equinuus, Marque de'Sade, books I've only heard about but have never gotten the chance to see, much less read. Each of the murders depicted are unarguably sick, but very very very undeniably also a work of art.My favourite is PRIDE.

Do you remember this movie?If no, watch it AGAIN. If you have never watched it then hurry out and borrow a copy. It's not your typical horror/ psychological thriller with a shitty plot,and/ or shitty actors or actresses that are usually clad in see-through undies with huge boobs and/or shitty climaxes. The story is solid and the acting is gold. WATCH IT!!!

photo and movie details credit to www.best-horror-movies.com/se7en.html

Melaka - a pictorial

2008-08-10T04:50:00.001-07:00

LOVE LOVE LOVE this shot!

it totally sums up the trip!

and SORRY NUHA..

next time we'll make sure kau lg banyak dlm gmbar ok?

0h so postcard material

the close-up

the album cover shot
kewek and ayu totally spoil aku dah kate pandang tempat lain!

Meet Nuha my best friend the driver!
and the awesome photographer

Stadhuys Spider-babes

Noshi steals the limelight
kewek yang nak beli kan sebenanye?haha

Sunnies, shades and hat

Another postcard moment

Nowhere is boring with good company

MALU!!!

2008-08-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

So Kuden tells me Centro ( Indonesia's version of Jusco, Metrojaya, Tang's) will be hosting a sneaker drawing competition and he insisted I should try my luck. He said he immediately thought of me and my love for conteng-conteng sangka kreatif past time and insisted I give it a try.
I thought what the heck. Who knows kan, paling busuk maybe I'll get some consolation prize or doorgift plus I am currently super super free.
So me,Geetha,Swarna decided to go catch a movie and ask Centro for the details.
Unfortunately The Mummy's tix were sold out for the day.
So we headed to Centro where I saw the Customer Service guy I know. Being super familliar with the guy, I strolled up confidently and asked about the details of the competition.
Were the materials provided? What type of sneakers were we to draw on? Prizes?
He then asked, "Kamu punya keponakan ya yang mahu masuk?"

"KEPONAKAN????"
For you non-Indonesian-language understanding people that means niece or nephew.

As I stood there blankly with my mouth open the horrible truth dawned on me.

THE CONTEST WAS FOR CHILDREN.

This guy I know then says "Iya.Cuman untuk anak2 umur 7-11 tahun,"

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!

So to cover malu, I pointed out it was not stated in the pamphlet.
He thanked me for my observation and said he would rectify the matter.
MALUNYE SAYE.

missing out

2008-07-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

i REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go to dayout's wedding.
it's the 2nd wedding of my batchmate that i have to miss out on because i am not going to be in malaysia.

SEE LA!! yours truly is NOT there.

| [ s i g h ] |
no gossiping till i lose my voice.
no united raging out at dumb drivers on the road.
no eardrum damaging amplitude of laughter all around.
no talking like there's no tomorrow.
no camwhoring in baju kurung with my best buds.
no posing in front of other peoples big ass SLRs.
no poking fun at innocent irritating faces in the crowd.
no getting "shush" from the next table.
no getting dirty looks from the other tables.

guess i'll just have to settle for hearing it all 2nd hand.
siyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal.
sedih gilaaaaaaaa.
i am seriously considering cutting class for a week.

good to be home

2008-07-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

I just spent a weekend in Melaka with good friends, good walks, and good, good food.
Asam pedas sampai kena halau.
Damn cheap seafood next to those keji upgraded mat rempit group.
Starbucks with gossiping on the side.
Satay kajang that was hell to park.

Well, I still would be very much happier if we could go Penang, but the not driving can't very well do the choosing rite? And I left my dodol. How me. And unfortunately The-shop-I-will-not-name in Umbai took ages to serve us so we missed Jonker Street.But not like we went there early anyway.Hahahaa.

Nuha, Ayu, Noshi, Wexx ingat janji SIPADAN!!!

*Pics soon to follow hopefully.Hahaha

happy hols!

2008-06-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

my fav pic now!!
hahahahaha

i am going home for the holidaaaays
see you balvin payal loot muna
believe it or not
i will end up missing jogja=)

taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

What you do not see

2008-06-22T00:57:00.000-07:00

"Is it time already?" she asked, her voice almost inaudible, caught at the back of her throat, tight with insecurity that was suffocating her slowly, threatening to swallow her up whole.
"Yes, " he said.
And with that simple word, as if on cue from a maestro conducting a symphony, everything inside began a crescendo. Her heart started pounding so hard that it hurt. Her hands started a tremor that built to rival an earthquake. That deep, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach grew and grew, gnawing at every nerve ending in her body. Her legs almost gave way beneath her when she tried to follow him inside.
Inside, inside where the world awaits.

She almost choked.
But she would not allow herself to fold.

Time crawled as she made her way up.
Every whisper was accusatory, judgmental. Every eye stared vindictively, maliciously, pitifully? Was it pity she saw when she attempted a glance towards those souls sitting there enjoying every moment of her torture? Every moment that was her equivalent of an eternity. Where the insecurity failed, the anticipation she could sense in the air won over. It swept over her like a tidal wave, threatening to whisk away her very existence. Every pore in her body was crying out for air.

She could die now, at this very moment.
But she would not allow herself to fold.

7 digits

2008-06-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

hmmmmph.
I shall start a new label today.

MM complaints

question :

who thinks it is imperative that your significant other memorizes your hp number?
and should it be BOTH numbers for the non-locals?

comment here=)

*MM stands for Mere Males!I think NEW IDEA(or one other of me mom's mags) coined this phrase.I loooved reading all the anecdotes sent it from women all over bitching/jeering about the men in their lives.
Photo credits here.

Mere Mortals

2008-06-14T11:37:00.001-07:00

I have been meaning to do this earlier. But I am somewhat a fussy twat when it comes to writing and just couldn't find the time.
When I first heard of our senior, Sharon Jinnil's death, it didn't really sink in how tragic it was until I heard Nandini telling us about her.

At an age where old classmates should meet at weddings, it had instead been at a funeral.

(Paraphrased from Nandini)

I didn't really know her to tell you the truth.
I think I've only spoken to her once or twice.
But nevertheless, I thought it was only right to attend a memorial service held by her close friends that were still in Jogja - her batch had just graduated a few months back and most were back home in Malaysia.
One of them had prepared a slide show using pictures from her facebook and their personal collection. Sharon spent her birthdays making party packs and celebrating them with cerebral palsy and handicapped children in an orphanage.
Everyone then sat around in a circle talking about their fondest memories of her.
I wished I had the chance to know her better.

About a week back I found out that my cousin's girlfriend is in a coma due to a blood borne infection from her transfusion. She had been in a hit and run accident.
She's 22.My age.
She's on respiratory ventilation.
She needs a miracle.
Her name is Zazrene Fareesha.
I hope you can all remember her and her family in your prayers.
I didn't really know her that well either.
I hope I get the chance.

I know there is no way I can even begin to understand what it is like for their families and the people who are really close to them.Or even try to offer comfort.
But I do believe this and I hope the thought of it helps them through somehow.
Everything happens for a reason.
Somewhere a kid reading about them decides to be a very good doctor who finds the cure to cancer.
Somewhere a jaded lawyer finds renewed conviction in persecuting the guilty and defending the innocent.
Somewhere a man who has not spoken to his father in years decides that life is too short to be wasted on hating.
Somewhere the drivers of the fateful vehicles are lifting their remorse by devoting their life in helping others.
I believe God works in mysterious ways.
You can never really see the big picture.
Mitch Albom's "the five people you meet in heaven" sums it up beautifully:

Each (person) affects the other and the other affects the next and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one.

Mankind can't possibly be all that shitty yet.I think most of the time we just need someone to point us in the right direction.And signboards to show us the way.
These are our signboards.
Make every moment count.
And make sure you make your life MATTER.

Ironic isn't it how it is often sorrow and adversity that brings us together?

TAG!

2008-06-06T09:51:00.001-07:00

My First Tag
And I am only doing it a week later.hehe
So sooory Phaik Sia! But thanku for giving me something to blog about.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.

TAG#1
Eight random facts about myself:

1. Contrary to popular belief, I am not really as mean as I look.Seriously!

2. I love reading. I finished Grisham and Crichton in matriculation thanks to KMPP's not-too-shabbily-stocked library.

3. I read classics. All time fav 3 - Wuthering Heights, A Tale of Two Cities, Hunchback of Notre Dame.

4. I hate peas, chick lit (Cabot, Shopaholic series dan yang sewaktu dengannya),pineapples on my pizza, corn in my nasik goreng,string beans, anything resembling string beans, Britney Spears, Hillary Duff, Simple Plan, Kirsten Dunst, Jennifer Aniston ... omigod I could go on for days=)

5. I believe in sea monsters. 70% of the whole planet is water and the deepest parts of the world are REALLY deep. Who knows wtf is down there?When Sea Nessie/Kraken comes eat you when you're swimming in the ocean laughing at me I'll just wave, safe in my plane on board something like the US Navy battleships, in case the monster goes for the ship too.

6. I do realize I am fat by magazine/mass standards. Somedays I have fat-I-should-diet days. But most days I go get an icecream and get over it.

7. I still want a bad-ass-super-cool Optimus Prime robot, the one my Dad promised me when I was five but later decided to let my mom buy me Barbie instead. Which I always tied up and let my stuffed animals save from some imagined evil baddie.

8. I really really want to save the world. Or atleast a life before I go.

TAG #2
Instructions:
Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question to make it a total of 20 questions.

1. What do you want the most now?
As of this moment, be super rich. (Second thoughts, I want everyone that I love to be happy.)

2. If you can have one more dream come true, what would it be? choose one: cure the environment from global warming and pollution, a cure for cancer, end wars and violence..
Cancer cure.

3. What are you afraid to lose now?
People I care about. Mainly my family.

4. Do you believe in being in love forever?
I dont know. When I am there, I'll let you know.

5. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
Hell yes! What's the point of NOT trying?

6. What would you do when you're feeling down and depressed?
Go find someone who'll make me feel better. Usually its my significant other.

7. Which type of person do you hate the most?
People who say one thing in front of you but another when you turn your back.

8. Do you cherish every single of your friendships?
Nope. Some yes, some so-so.

9. Do you believe in God?
Yes. I believe in a supreme being that governs mankind and the galaxy and etc but I also believe He's a lot more understanding than religion lets us think.

10. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Family. Friends. Being happy.

11. Do you find it necessary for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nope. Its great yeah, but I am not any less worthy without a man in my life. Who doesn't want a shot at the Sex and City life?Haha.

12. What do you want your friends to be like?
To get why I am the way I am.

13. What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends' eyes?
A GREAT friend, but a BAD BAD BAD enemy.

14. If you can have a change, which part of your character would you like to change?
My temper and inability to let go of some things.

15. Would you die in order to save the ones you love?
Hell yes.

16. What would you do if you've lost everything in one shot?
I hope that never happens. But I suppose try to see the silver lining.

17. What would u do if your 'friends' are not really your friends anymore?
Get better ones.

18. What do you see yourself as in the next 5 years?
An overworked, skinny, doctor with aweful eyebags but who wakes up every morning and goes to bed every night knowing its all worth it.

19. When do u think is the best time for you to set up a family?
At least 2years after I get married. And honeymooned on another continent.=)

20. If you could be in the shoes of anybody else in the whole of history/fiction for a day, who would it be?
(Lara Croft.Heeehee)

I tag:
Anybody who reads my blog and likes this entry.
Ha-ha.

A tribute to the Penjaga Tas

2008-05-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

aziz, me and dikky in 1st year.
SHIT kurus gile aziz!we weren't together then =)

have we ever NOT camwhored together?
note the same then unsigned now DUTA cap.

The WAJIB go to annual deepavali nite.
and yes, dikky's always the best dressed guy there.

We weren't that close in 2nd year but again the NEVER fail deepavali nite pic.

then on 16th may 2008 i basically chucked my bag at him and went screaming when so7 got on stage. The only reason dikky came was because me and kuden was so excited.
he helped us take the photos too.
and we didn't even ajak him to join us.
SORRRY DIKKY!!!

public apology from me and kuden!!!!
and dont forget MOI when you're in FRANCE=)

(yes i am shamelessly bodek-ing you)

A response to a belated occasion

2008-05-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

tone of post : i am not pissed pissed.more like cynically giving friendly advice.

it kills me to see people who are assholes yet live in this delusion that they are not.
it fucking kills me that some of the people around them don't see that.

there has to be some reason behind the fact that everyone else hates that ONE guy right?
does it make sense that everyone is just jealous of that ONE guy?
does it make sense that everyone is just stupid and doesn't understand that ONE guy?

fuck obligations. fuck loyalties.
just because your friend is friends with an asshole doesn't mean you have to be friends too.
in fact i kinda think it becomes your responsibility to let them know.
i know i would want to know.

you know how there are always two sides to every story?
its not just the sides, there's the depth too.
and trust me kid, you have no idea how DEEP.
do your homework.

i hope you guys don't learn the hard way.
it's never pretty.

there is no shame in staying out of the fight.
but i already picked my side.

my side includes the guy who went to hug and congratulate the other team for winning.
my side includes the guy who respected the referee's call.
my side includes the guys who acknowledged the cantik and fair goals.
i heard them.
not the guy who went on screaming even after the game was over.
not the guy who calls the other team rude animal names.
not the guy who involves other people's parents in his insults.
and definitely not the guy who practically embarrassed all us Malaysian students in front of the other visiting Malaysians.
i heard him.

no offense to anyone reading this. it is my opinion. and its not just because my bf happens to be in the other team.
you might share it or you don't.
you might walk away enlightened or hating me.
i do not care.
i will take full responsibility for every fucking word.

What I did on 16 May 2008

2008-05-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

SEE my pinched creepy face just grinning happily.
i took a solo pic with duta too but NOT gonna share it!!!
so nobody can photoshop my face away and replace it with theirs!
btw.duta put his arm around me too ok!
but DIKKY spoiled the pic because he did not put the camera on flash.
DAMMMMMMN!

Note: I look like crap/scary/ugly in most of the pics. After every pic, we were both jumping and screaming excitedly. Plus I was doing all the talking. Kuden malu buaya. And there are no pre-concert pics. We were too restless waiting.

(to nuha sygku dearest)

DEKAT GILE BABAS OK!!!

The pick Kuden almost had

EAT YOUR HEART OUT!

And now.............

I LOOOOVE U DUTAAAAAAAA!!

I GOT MY TANK AUTOGRAPHED.
Its now hanging on the wall and every time I look at it I jump happily, grinning like an idiot reliving that night in Caesar.I want to get it framed later.

the DIEHARDs.
The 2/8 that lasted: 1 felt sick earlier, hence he and his gf pulled out. Another decided to study for an exam. Aziz had to go back due to the immense pain of his injury and Jeremy volunteered to teman.Hence, it was just us and the Penjaga Tas.

THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE

2008-05-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

I AM MASSIVELY HAPPY.
EUPHORIC WOULD BE A BETTER WORD.

I FEEL LIKE HOPPING AROUND SINGING BILA KAU X DISAMPINGKU AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL I BLACK OUT OR SOMEONE HITS ME IN RAGE.

WARNING ALL!
YOU WILL HEAR ME TELL MY MEETING WITH SO7,MY FAVOURITE BAND OF ALL TIME FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.
SUFFER!!!!

I STILL CANT STOP SMILING.
AND WHY THE CAPITALS?
YES I AM SHOUTING!!!!!

Love found and lost

2008-05-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Hey Di!Its been ages since my last entry!!
There's so many things I wanna tell u. This morning me and my bffs was sharing the details of our yummy boyfriends!
Only it turns out Evan is so not.
U remember Evan rite?My so-called-bf since last year?
I'm soooo embarrassed with him, he's nothing like the other girl's bfs.
Aargh!Imagine all these minus points:

- 10 because he has no cellphone.all the other guys have the latest in the market!
- 10 because his parents don't let him drive even though he's 18!hellooo everybody else is driving their hot rods to school!
- 10 as he does nothing to his hair.all the other hunks make sure they look trendy!
- 10 as he hates going clubbing.partying is my life!how can he be so uncool?
- 10 AGAIN Di!He doesnt even own one XSML jacket!EVERYBODY shops there!All he has is one ugly FILA jacket.Yuck!
- 10 again again again again!he still brings food from home for lunch?what a loser! I am soooo ashamed.

Aaargh!How did I ever say yes?
I should break up with him.

Dear Diary,

It's Valentine's day and I've been hiding from Evan all day!!I just made it out in time before he came to class to give me a present!
DUH - Nobody can ever find out we're together.I'll be the laughing stock of the whole school!I think he's very confused but who cares.
I can't let anybody find out.
He called me at home 4times too.I told the maid to say that I still haven't gotten home yet.

Dear Diary,

I've been doing the same thing for 3days Di!I had to hideout in the girls bathroom more than once today.
Why doesn't he just get it?

Dear Diary,

Today I hid out for awhile and decided to hangout in the canteen after school with my bffs.They were questioning me non-stop about evading Evan.
"Pity the guy Alexa, he sooo obviously likes you!"
"Just take the gift!You don't have to be nice to him after!"
I decided to just be quiet.
But they wouldn't let it go so I admitted "I am just so disgusted with him.He-lo?He's so past tense!So last season, old-fashioned.And he looks so average!How in the world did I ever wanted to be friends with that loser?"
Suddenly everybody went still and looked past me.I followed suit.
Omigod Di!!It was Evan!He heard everything I just said!
Evan just looked down on the floor.He did not say anything at all.He slowly walked away.
Nic and Kim wanted me to go after him.
But the others said I shouldn't care.I could easily make new guy "friends" couldn't I?
That's true rite?
So let it be.I'm thankful he overheard!Saves me the trouble of telling it to his face.
And if he wants to break up, I'm happy to agree.

Dear Diary,

Its been 2days.Evan stopped calling and looking for me at school.I don't have to hide anymore.We passed by each other today he just kept quiet and didn't even look at me.

Dear Diary,

Di!Its been a week.I feel like something's missing.I don't know why I'm feeling this way.
I SHOULDN'T.
I WON'T.
It'll stop I know it will.

I don't wanna see anyone. I don't wanna hangout. I wanna be alone.
Everybody's asking what's up with me.
How do I tell them when I'm not sure myself?

Dear Diary,

It's the weekend and its raining pretty bad outside.I'm watching MTV and suddenly this song by Tamia- Officially Missing You starts to play.Its so...sad.

All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why'd you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today
I'm officially missing you..,

I broke down.I cried.
So hard that I soaked Mom's new cushions.I couldn't stop sobbing for at least an hour.What have I done Di?!I've been so stupid.Evan is the sweetest most wonderful guy I know.

So what he doesn't have a cellphone? + 100 because he's willing to walk to the phone booth around the corner every night just to wish me sweet dreams.
So he doesn't have a car? +100 because he's willing to cycle that far to my house everytime I need him even though it's raining.
So he doesn't have nice hair? +100 because no matter how ugly my new cut, how un-unstyled MY hair, how disastrous a new look, he still insists I am the most beautiful girl he knows.
So he doesn't like partying? + 100 he accompanies me everywhere I want and gets scolded by his parents for coming home late in the cab, alone.
So he doesn't own an XSML jacket? +100 he hands me his ugly FILA when its raining and I'm cold without me asking.
So he brings lunch from home? +100 because he saves his lunch money to buy me an expensive Valentine's present...

- 60 for being uncool, +600 for being the sweetest guy I will ever know.

Di!I'm such an idiot.I was so luck to have a guy like him and all I did was hurt him.
And he has never hurt me.
Never.

I'm crying again.I don't know if I'll stop.

Dear Diary,

I met Evan at school today.I told him I wanted to talk but he didn't say a thing and just walked away.
He did meet me after school though and asked what I wanted to talk about.
I gave him the card I made yest, I gave him a kiss on his cheek and said I was sorry.He silently walked away.
I know I deserve it, I do.
I hurt him so badly, and I lost him.
Di, it hurts so much.
I came back from school and cried some more.
I know it's my fault, and I have to deal with it.

Evan called!Mom had to fetch me because I still had Teddy covering my head and I couldn't hear the phone.
Di, he said he forgives me.
And he wants us to move on and forget about it.
I'm so HAPPY!!!!!!!!
I promise I wont hurt him again.

He's coming over tonight!!I wanna look absolutely gorgeous for Evan so thats all tonite ok Di!
I'll tell you the details in FULL GLORY later.
I love you.Thanks for listening.
But I love Evan more=)

Note to self: Appreciate what you have now because you are so lucky to have him.

Nite Di!!
ps: -10 because he isn't so good looking, +100 because he so beautiful inside.

EPILOGUE:
Alexa waited and waited but Evan was no show.
Disappointed and angry, she gave up and went to bed.

Evan had not enough money to take a cab and decided on a bus instead.He spend more than he had originally estimated for Alexa's Valentine's present.But it will be worth every penny. He could just imagine how her smile would light up her whole face, and how her eyes would crinkle up. He loved watching her smile.
It was raining, he so he ran to cross the road not wanting the wrapping to get wet. Out of nowhere, a speeding car skidded and hit him. The impact flung his body to the road, hard. Evan tried to get up, but his body felt so heavy, and it was so painful to breathe. He tried calling out for help but it was so hard to even open his mouth. The back of his head felt wet. His vision was getting blurry. The world seemed to go dark. And just like that, the pain was gone, he felt his body going light, like he was going to float away, and disappear into nothing. He knew then that it was too late. He was going to meet his Maker, and he was going fast.

With his dying breath Evan said,

“Allahhu Akbar…., titip Alexa ya Allah, juga Mami dan Papi,"

God Almighty......, take care of Alexa,Mom and Dad."

Author's note: The original story was in Indonesian (which I like more than Malay because it is oh-so-poetic when you're being jiwang)) I did my best to translate/make up the sentences that would best convey the feeling but it's still better in its original form I think.I also took some creative liberties like adding on a more detailed death scene and I changed to song.I don't know that Janet Jackson song. Felt more connected to the one by Tamia.

I miss Malaysia

2008-04-30T23:18:00.000-07:00

Places i MUSTmustMUST go when i am back!

My fav mamak in Tmn Ehsan.Roti canai,roti pisang,tosai!
My fav nasi lemak shop in Damansara.
My fav burger Ramly stall.
My fav nasi goreng kampung in Damansara.
The nasi briyani near Mum's office.
Nice Granma's house for scrumptious Minang hom cooked meals.
Secret Recipe.Raspberry cheesecake!
Big Apple.Lets see how u compare to JCo.
Kenny Rogers.Original mufffffins!
A&W floats and Curly fries.
McD's breakfast.Sausage McMuffins!
Manhattan Fish Market.Nothing specific.
KFC Zinger and I would like to try the XXXL burger too.heh.
Starbucks.Java Chip Frap and choc cake!
Mydin.Japanese cheese cake,Anlene yogurt!
1901.Texas Ted extra cheese!
Auntie Anne's pretzels!
Famous Amos fresh made cookies!
Chilli's.Choc molten!
THE CURVE many fine restaurants.Ayu you promised!!!!
How could I forget??My fav Tomyam,daging masak merah and kailan ikan masin shop!

I is hungry.

Just for fucks

2008-04-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

Some old favourites.
Hey!!Good things are meant to be shared!

ROAAAR - Leo on a lion

HMMpH - a Pisces on a lion

What the..........?

Is it Superman?

Is it Holyman?

No!!Its the TITANIC-dudes!

Notice how Aziz looks damn terpakse in the pic.
HAHAHAHAaa

heartbroken

2008-04-24T01:04:00.000-07:00

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...........................
My idol favourite, Carly Smithson has been eliminated.
She was so freaking awesome last nite!!
I so love her big voice, her adorable Irish lilt and awesome awesome talent!

WHY AMERICA???
She is so much better sounding than anybody else.
Yes, I know she definitely would not win but she so deserves to be in the final three paling cikai la.
I was so dreaming of her singing in the finals.

Top 6: Photo credits

Syesha has failed to impress me since Hollywood week.
Brooke visibly tries but does not get it most of the time.
Jason Castro is becoming another Blake.
Cook is awesome but sounds like he's been doing this since forever.But yesterday was a different side which I appreciate thanku very much=)
Adorable Archie is adorable but he does not know how to pick suitable songs.

Photo credits

Carly is consistent, great voice, great on stage and sooo fresh sounding!!!
Waaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!
My favourite part of her Idol journey is 70s week when she sang "Alone" originally performed by Heart.

I MOURN. WORST THAN WHEN HOTTIE DAUGHTRY GOT BOOTED OFF.

ps: pardon moi for the lack of posts these past few days.have been stewing on a matter that immensely irritates me.but i do not think i should share it here.

Scary shit

2008-04-16T03:20:00.000-07:00

-----------------------------------------(edited)---------------------------------------------

18 minutes into the 2nd cd of hairspray, I finally realized why tweens go ga-ga and are obsessed with repeating and singing "We're all in this together" and "Breaking Free".
Yes, from High School Musical la!
Anybody who knows a normal tween will surely understand.
To tell you the truth, I thought cd1 was pretty boring.
But then "Without Love" totally converted me.
I then proceeded to repeat the song at least ten times.Heh

I solemnly swear NOT to scream at my sister anymore when she repeats HSM's OST for the umpteenth time

All because of...................!

Omigod my goodness! Am I NO BETTER than a tween??
*Screams inwardly and cringes in horror*

I think it is just one of those movies that grows on you.
Hey, it takes a lot of willpower to resist James Marsden's charming smile and SeaweedELIJAH KEELEY's awesome moves/voice ok.
I also have no idea if all the cast actors sing their own lines or they have voice doubles.

Michelle Pfeiffer is perfect as the bitchy will-stop-at-nothing mom of Amber and Christopher Walken as Tracy's adorably blur dad.
John Travolta is pretty impressive too.
I usually hate Amanda Bynes and Zac Efron, but I gotta say in this musical they suit their parts to a tee.
Do take time to listen to the songs played during the credits!!
My personal faves are "Cooties" and "Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now".

Credits to Balvin for introducing me to this phrase.

Heheheheee.
*Still humming and feet's-a-tapping!*

Just a thought

2008-04-14T01:04:00.000-07:00

I like to think that I am unpredictable.
That that is the reason why people try not piss me off.
That that is the reason why I make an awesome friend, but a really bad enemy.

I had some drama happen to me some time back involving a skinny bacul two-faced sangke bagus loser.
Note: I did not use bitch purposely.Tis a word too good for her.

My glory mean days have passed, methinks.
Nowadays, I just feel kesian half the time.
Don't get me wrong, I would so still like to see her cry.
I don't bitchslap, if there's gonna be a fight, I will be punching.
Cue taekwondo instructor's voice reminding me to not abuse my skills, it is only for self defence!

*Grins*
After all, what you give you get back right?

On another note,I really miss tkd. I just realized what a major part of my childhood it was. For those of you who dont know, my mother believes in a very well rounded upbringing. All my siblings enroll in plenty of extra activities even before we go kindy.

What do I miss about tkd?
I miss the kicking.
I miss the sandbags.
I miss the satisfied sweating.
I miss my belt-buddies who used to make me laugh everytime we hold a stance.
I miss seeing Spencer and Shamim get punished for being monkeys.
I miss the twins who was forever offering me a drink during fasting days.
I miss usually being the only girl. Make that Malay girl.
I miss that koko who paid special attention to me because of the above reason.
I miss the TTDI cendol my dad will always take me to after class.
I miss the Swensen's my mom would treat me especially because I fasted and went tkd.
I miss how Nadhirah would bug my mom for Ayamas chicken pies.
I miss that nice uncle in Kancilmas who would let me read R.L Stine for free.
I miss the awed look of guys when they realize a chick is their senior in class.
I miss seeing cute guys jaws fall open when they realize I am not just any other girl.Haha
I can beat them up properly.With technique.=)

Hmmmph.Maybe I should retake the classes.

Poll

2008-04-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

KurtKuden, the "Average Joe" from The Fashionista Diaries would like you all to decide his fate!!

What do you want to see happen to him next week?
A haircut?
Pore shrinking?
More dress-up advice?
Etiquette lessons?
Ballroom dancing?
Culture/sophistication improvement?

Let your imagination run wild.Comment here please.

The Fashionista Diaries

2008-04-07T17:49:00.000-07:00

Meet Dikky. A self-proclaimed fashionista metro-man, he has made it a personal crusade to help out the "average Joes" of the world. No matter what your crisis, no matter how far you've fallen, he will be there to grant you absolution from the sins of BAD DRESSING.

Our Average Joe for today: KurtKuden, begging for a makeover from the fashion guru.

And the guru's reaction to the Average Joe's dressing before.

Immediately ordering Kuden to change into a khaki polo tee because black is oh-so-boring, he then whips out his very own blue and white striped cardie, and proceeds to dress Kuden.

"Now you can see how a simple play on complimenting colours brings does wonders for his skin," says Dikky. "Hmmm..we will need to work on those pores later," he states.

Pores? My,my, who would have noticed but the guru??

Kuden marveling at the reaction (unseen) of some girls observing from afar. "Its amazing!One simple addition and I am already getting noticed," he exclaims almost tearfully.

And the end result....................

Isn't the happiness just radiating from his every pore?(pun intended)

Pictures of KurtKuden thanking the guru with all his heart and soul was decided to not be released as it may be perceived as unsuitable for younger audiences.

Do you have a question on what to wear to impress girls? Do you want to know how to turn normal workwear into casual chic? Do you want to experience the same transformation as KurtKuden?
Email us at help-ilooksucky@yahoo.com and you just might get lucky.

Tune in next week same time same place to see what happens to KurtKuden's pores.

Due warning.

2008-04-04T17:22:00.001-07:00

I started getting buzzes around 4+.
I was already staring open mouthed at the screen.

I DID NOT want it to come to this, but she asked for it.
Bitch,life as you know it will end tomorrow and I dare anyone to try and stop me.

I might be partial to an apology though.Even if it was just to Aziz.
LIVE.
Fucking apologies on a fucking blog entry at the bottom of a pathetic attempt to shift the attention does not count.

Otherwise, trust me it will not be pretty tomorrow.
You just crossed the line.Shifting the blame to my boyfriend is the stupidest idea you could have possibly had.
And all you fuckers who wish to call me names are welcomed.In fact,I recommend it.It adds fuel to the furnace I already got on max temperature.

The next person to tell me "You have to fight fire with water" will get some too.Everybody gave her a chance.
It didn't work.
And you know what you do to a burning building that is beyond salvation?You help it crumble.Piece by piece.
BURN baby BURN.

Judging people

2008-04-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

Never judge a book by its cover.

The "wise" adage has always baffled me.I used to think that it meant that you could find treasures beneath the creepiest most disgusting looking grime.It didn't really strike me that it could work both ways until I was about 8/9 I think.That some exteriors never match the interior.
But as I grew older I started to realize that maybe this proverb is rather irrelevant when applied to people.Especially in an age where people idolize celebrities, not humanitarians.Where everybody eagerly snaps up the latest URTV*,but nobody reads Dickens or Hugo or Poe.

how many of you know how Gandhi died?
how many of you can name atleast 5 works of Charles Dickens?or Poe?

Catch my drift?
It might be wrong to entirely judge someone based on how they are dressed,what they listen to and etc. Practically everybody is screaming "It is my individual right," whenever they get the chance. Just think about it for a second.
Sure,it is your right as an individual to be able to dress,say or like what you want.But isn't it all also a reflection of ourselves?How can you say that listening to Britney/Metallica/Norah Jones does necessarily make them a part of your identity?
Because it does.
You can offer any reason in the world but it still does.
You can't really just like music for music because you should feel somewhat connected to the lyrics,or tune or maybe even the artist.
It maybe how you are feeling some days,it may be how you have felt all your life.If you did like music for music you would listen to every song in the world and like it no matter what.
Which does not really make sense to me.

And how can you not judge someone based on what they say or think?
If you said it,then you thought it.
Thought governs every aspect of our lives.You have to think to decide what to eat,you think of what to put as your nickname,you think of what to put on your playlist don't you?
So do you really really need to know a person before you can judge them?
Is it not fair if people judge you just like that?
Take a reality check.
Everybody judges everybody.Everybody sizes up the man/woman next to him/her and wonder what their story is.
Maybe we do it to make ourselves feel better.
Maybe we do it because there is a need to justify how others act.
Maybe we do it because we're all human.

I hate to say this but I think it is undeniably true.We all label people.It maybe names,racial slurrs,high-school hierarchy or even categories we make up on our own.
Yours truly is truly guilty of the latter.Heh
What separates the ignorant from the enlightened are those who think it but still treat them as they would anybody else.

I don't really believe people when they say they do not care what other people think of them.
If it was truly possible we would probably never had evolved from the Stone Age.Nobody would have bothered to better themselves.
Which probably explains why pride is the Devil's favourite sin.

Sure, there might be times where people can surprise you,think Ted Bundy but as far as the general public goes,I have seen no exceptions.=)
And it is just my opinion,you know.

*Nothing against URTV.I would have put CLEO or any other zine but I do think they have book review sections.I am pretty sure that is not the case for URTV.And Mangga.
Fyi, I don't care if people don't like me for reasons that is true.But I do CARE what others think of me.It is not the same thing and I am not contradicting myself.Huhu

waiting for friday

2008-04-03T01:40:00.000-07:00

Only one more day of coming-back-in-the-afternoon classes then i get to spend a lazy Friday.though there is that meeting to go to at 1pm.
Then Clinical Pathology exams on Saturday and Physio after.
Massive eating due to happen that night!
Cant wait!!

Btw peeps,Adrian got admitted in Panti Rapih because of dengue.
Messages and get well soon wishes are welcomed but visits will have to be coordinated and regulated.He has family here la.Anybody who doesn't have his number can ask me.

When I got sick,it was so very okay for you all to come harass me because I was so bored.=)
No, I have no pics of me at that time because I looked so awful.
Thanku all.I still remember okay.

Payal, Balvin who tido hotel.
Geetha who gave me her biscuits to eat if I ever got hungry.
Aziz for dragging me to the hospital and helping me make my decisions.
Aini for the jus jambu yg sedap gile.
Nair and Mohan who brought boxed versions of the jambu juice.
Guna who smuggled me nasik goreng pedas when I was feeling better.
Swarna for her biskut kelape ROMA.
Kuden,Belle,Pong,who ate it all.
Especially Pong yg gile lahap nak abeskan food org saket.
Dikky, Maya for saving me from crazy boredom.
Has bawak buah.
Babies with updated gossip.
SUJEN just for coming to see me.=)
Arif,Hasnul,Anep,Haneef,Gana,Dina and everybody else who also came and without doing anything specifically embarassing or funny.

Anybody else i missed?Do tell.I had DHF.I think I'm allowed to forget some stuff.Heh.

infamous=)

2008-04-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

Wow.so this is what it feels like to be infamous.=)

Dear someone and whatever,

Well, you people do have a point.Maybe I do not know her well enough because I fail to see how she warrants all that loyalty.No, I do not blog about her because I admire her, if you look carefully you will see it is listed under peeves.Which means she pisses me off.Not in that britney spears kinda way either.

Thing is, I have always thought that I am fair.
I do not simply make statements and assumptions, I observe both sides/parties involved in any story.Even if its just idle gossip, I am sure I have friends who will vouch that I always attempt to come up with an alternative explanation to the story.
But I do know my vices,mind you.
I have a horrid temper and the ability to not care if people hate me.
I often have the upper hand when it comes to war-of-the-mouth which I credit to spending five years in an all girls boarding school where people scream,slap and swear at you almost weekly because frankly speaking, I can be quite fearless when I think I am right.
And I have a knack for being right.
I would screw my own friends if I think they are wrong so I think you can imagine what I would do to someone who does not mean anything to me.
Fyi,I expect no less from my friends.

On the other hand,I would like ALL of you to consider the fact that what I am doing is just providing you with the other side of the story.
Does it not warrant ample consideration?

Ok subtitles in normal speaking language aka BM campur.I do not have accented BM y'all!

Sebenarnye korg ade jugak point yg valid.Nampak sgt aku mmg x kenal die sbb aku x dpt nak phm kenape die deserve loyalty yg mcm tu sekali.Aku xblog psl die sbb aku admire die, cube tgk betul2 listing tu under ape.Peeves tu maksudnye bende yg menimbulkan sakit hati.And x same mcm aku benci Britney Spears.

Aku rase aku selalu fair.
Aku x penah wat/agree statement secare melulu.Kalau setakat gossip biase pun konpem aku akan tgk dr side 2-2 pihak.Kalau x caye cube tanye kwn2 aku.Aku mesti come up ngan conclusion lain yg maybe betul gak.
Plus aku tau sgt weaknesses aku.
Baran and x peduli kalau org lain benci aku.Sure ni sbb 5tahun dok asrama sume pmpn.Every week pun ade jek sesi lecture dimane kene jerit,marah,tampar etc.
Kalau aku rase aku betul, bende lain akan take back seat.Kwn2 aku sendiri pun aku marah kalau aku x setuju dgn ape dieorg buat, ni kan lg org yg x mean ape2 to me la kan.
Fyi, aku expect bende yg same dr dieorg gak.

Aku harap korg realize yg aku bg korg the other side of the story.
X perlu tau/difikirkan gak ke?

Ps: I have called her worst names in my other post.But I think in that context of the moment,it is well deserved.Other people who disagree are welcome to contest it, but I warn you you better have a VERY good reason to say that the loss of someone's parent is less of a bigger issue.I happen to think that I am so-very-right on this one.

PUAS HATI

2008-04-02T01:13:00.000-07:00

mesti la.
are u kidding me?

x logik ke rase mcm tu, memandangkan kau selame ni dok kutuk kiteorg jek?
kalau kutuk mende betul, mcm xpek jugak kot.
aku sedar jek aku ni bitchy, bossy, over etc.
kalau before ni xpenah nak join kiteorg pape, pehal tetibe skang nak join pulak?
please.dont.tell.me.u.expect.us.to.be.nice.to.u.

oi.x tau malu ke?
wat a loser.
and if u really have attitude sister,then bring it on.
stakat berani kat blog baik xpyh.

WOW.i so would not wanna be u.

In the mood for love

2008-04-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

Denting yang berbunyi dari dinding kamarku
sedarkan diriku dari lamunan panjang
Tak terasa malam kini semakin larut
Ku masih terjaga

Sayang kau dimana aku ingin bersama
Aku butuh semua untuk tepiskan rindu
Mungkinkah kau disana merasa yang sama
Seperti dinginku di malam ini

Rintik gerimis mengundang kekasih di malam ini
Kita menari dalam rindu yang indah
Sepi ku rasa hatiku saat ini oh sayangku
Jika kau disini aku tenang

Denting by Melly Goeslow.OST Ada Apa Dengan Cinta.

I love love love this song.The melody is hauntingly simple and the lyrics are superb.
Its the perfect thing to listen to when its raining and you're missing your significant other.
See 2nd perenggan.Repeat jiwang-ly to yourself.over and over.
SIGH.
I wish I was that poetic.

april fool's

2008-04-01T01:05:00.000-07:00

congrats to balvin 1st person to kenekan me today.
ceh.

and i specifically chose this pic so that everybody will be able to see what cam-whores u n payal are.hahaaa

haaaapy aprils fools day all!

the best love stories...

2008-03-31T23:58:00.000-07:00

...are the one with tragic endings.
I am a sucker for stories where the hero and the heroine cannot be together and no other book does it better than this.I've lost count of how many times I've read this book.

Heathcliff, a gypsy foundling was taken in by Mr.Earnshaw, Catherine's father. Catherine's brother Hareton hates Heathcliff and proceeds to make his life miserable.Unabashed or unbroken, he finds a kindred soul in Catherine and they grow up together under the eye of Nelly, the main narrator of this story.
When Catherine meets Edgar Linton however, she realizes that she can never marry Heathcliff although she loves him.

"I've no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven; and if the
wicked man in there had not brought Heathcliff so low, I shouldn't have thought of it. It would degrade me to
marry Heathcliff now; so he shall never know how I love him: and that, not because he's handsome, Nelly, but
because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same; and Linton's
is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire."

Of course,Heathcliff only hears part of her rantings and is heartbroken and decides to leave for three years, in which time Catherine marries Edgar Linton and moves away from Wuthering Heights.He comes back a rich man,though cruel and determined to have Catherine as his no matter what the cost.Catherine later takes ill and dies, after being alone with Heathcliff and confessing her love for him.When Heathcliff finds out from Nelly that Catherine has passes away, he launches into my FAVOURITE EVER PASSAGE..

"May she wake in torment!' he cried, with frightful vehemence, stamping his foot, and groaning in a sudden paroxysm of ungovernable passion. 'Why, she's a liar to the end! Where is she? Not THERE - not in heaven -not perished - where? Oh! you said you cared nothing for my sufferings! And I pray one prayer - I repeat it till my tongue stiffens - Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you - haunt me, then! The murdered DO haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts HAVE wandered on earth.Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! only DO not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I CANNOT live without my life! I CANNOT live without my soul!"

Is that just not so awesomely-crazy-romantic?To have somebody love you like that,beyond death.
Oh,did I mention Heathcliff is dark,tall and brooding?And he only became what he was because of Catherine selfishness.
Though I sometimes wish they had had some happy ending together,I have come to realize the fact that they don't makes this one of the greatest love story I know.Its not that sappy-Romeo-and-Juliet corny kind of tragic either, sorry Shakespeare, =) but Bronte beat you by a mile!

ps: this post is also especially dedicate to all you people out there who are to lazy to go read the book.
But I beseech you,please!!!Take some time and read it.Make it your weekend project or yearly project.
JUST READ IT.
And to all you aspiring boyfriends who want to impress your girlfriend,get them a copy of the book today!
Not some lousy romance full of make-out scenes in whatever age period.Heehee

why

2008-03-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

is it human nature to strike out at those we hold dear most?
is it human nature to hurt them the way we feel they've hurt us?

what do you do when you realize you're no better right to do so?
that you've done things you said you wouldn't do.
that you've said things just as hurtful,and been even more mean.

i'm sorry.
for what its worth,i really am.

i don't know if i can do without you.
seems so easy when i'm angry but that fades away pretty fast.
and what lingers is that nagging doubt that you most probably wont even miss me like i want you to.
but i will.

freedom of speech?

2008-03-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

hmmmph.
It iritates me to no end when I blog-hop and I see bloggers use the standard defence of
"This is my blog.I have the right to write whatever I wish in it,"
"Everybody is entitled to their own opinion,"
"Haven't you heard of the freedom of speech?"

Please do not misuse that right so blatantly.And since everybody is entitled to their own opinion than why not your readers?They have equal right to express their opinion be it in swear words or politely disguised rudeness.
And btw.Freedom of speech does not work like that.

The United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights , adopted in 1948, provides, in Article 19, that:

Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

It does not exempt you from criticism from others.It does not exempt you from taking responsibilities for your action/words.If you did/said it, then you should have the common sense to realize that you and you alone are held reliable should the comment be perceived as negative or vindicative to others.If you come across as uneducated,naive,bitchy, etc etc, is it not your own fault for others are judging you based on what you did/wrote?

Pokoknye, berani buat sile berani tanggung.

But readers who comment irrelevantly in form of insults to the personality of the blogger should also be ashamed. If you feel unhappy/outraged/feel that the blogger is not well versed in what he/she is saying or there is some fault in their opinion, there are better ways to express it rather than "You are such a slut," or "You so bodoh la,tak belajar ke?" or "I hope you get raped" etc.

Come on la.
We did not go to ten years of basic language education for nothing.
I sincerely believe the best way to make an insult more effective is to exercise tact.
Anyone can be plain rude,but it takes talent to insult people politely.
Of course there might be cases in which the people you mean to insult may not get it, but why would you wish to stoop to their level intelligence,or lack of?

Example:
Blogger: "Kalau tak suke what i tules,tak payah la bace"
You reply: "Kalau u bodoh,tak payah la tules"

Simple but effective you say?
It sum up what you think and you may sound brilliant to yourself but ask yourself what is the point?Clearly the blogger will get riled and then insult you.No points for anyone.The matter at hand is still what he/she wrote/said/did isn't it?
Not that I haven't made that mistake=)
Is it not better to address what u find unsettling or untrue and politely ask him/her to justify themselves?

Although I do find that statement true to some effect should it not conflict with the berani buat sile berani tanggung law.
It really is that simple.
You want to kutuk people on your blog, sure do it, it is your personal space/online diary/whatever.But please do not get majorly upset when people say/do the same about you.

heh

2008-03-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

wow.i dont blog for a week and now i'm writing two posts in a night?
just thought i'd share something with you all.
this is the 1st page of the diary my mom gave me.
she got it free from Island&Peninsular Berhad and its impressively artsy.
(hey u get loads of stuff from contractors when ur an archi it seems)

FINE! I'll fill it in myself!

People know me as Nadiah .
but close friends call me NK, as above.
Sometimes I'm referred to as THE ___________.

THIS IS A SELF PORTRAIT
If a movie is made about me,the song She's a Rebel, Greenday must be in the soundtrack.
3 words to describe me
sarcastic
outgoing
oddly romantic
3 words i want to be described as
enviable
witty
unforgettable
One day,I will be a great
doctor amen
writer
photographer;)

Try your hand at it peeps.As for moi, I drew a serious blank at line 3.THE what????.I am sure some people would say biatch automaticly.haha.
And yes,I know I have asked this before but NOW i have a place to properly record it.So fill in the blanks baby!Good or bad I'll take it all.To further aid some of you who might not know me by sight or plain forgot what I look like or am like,here are some visual aids.
Yes,I believe in first impressions.

contrary to popular belief,medical students do get bored and start playing around with rubber models of the brain.

Yes,we are are bad-asses too.SKEMA i think not.

If u guys are wondering,that guy i take a lot of pics with is NOT the bf.Meet Dikky,the greatest camwhore I have ever met.
Balvin/Payal you are a close 2nd.I haven't decided.

thats.the.BF.huhu

BALI.BALI.BALI!
yes,the BF is the shirtless one with the flat hair.Dont ask.
The swan princess ballet.Me as the ugly duckling.

And the grand finale.................

Inspired from ANTM.heh.

NOTE TO SELF: do a post on Borobodur and its secret power later.

swamped

2008-03-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

i am getting those moments sorta often now.
i don't know if everybody gets it.but i am pretty sure some do.
its that gut-wrenching feeling that comes with no warning.
you may be laughing with your friends,eating a solitary lunch,etc etc.
without a care in the world.
then it hits you.

sometimes its a heart-breaking pang that makes you realize somewhere someone is not as lucky as you are.
sometimes its that overwhelming melancholic moment that makes your eyes well up for no reason.
sometimes its a word that brings back the gruesome pictures you saw on the telly last week.

i like to think they are constant reminders for me to count my blessings.
and make me realize i do have some dues to pay.
gee,i am a sentimental idiot.
or maybe i'm just nuts.=)

Vantage Point

2008-03-18T08:01:00.000-07:00

Please.I beg you.WATCH IT!
I was literally at the edge of my seat for the entire movie.
I could not unglue my eyes from the screen.
My heart was pounding all the way.
In short-Awesome!
One of the best movie I've watched in awhile.
And I love love love the ending.
Will post my take later.I would not wanna risk kene baling kasut from people who hate spoilers.
Not that anything could spoil it(said by Sharif).

WARNING: someone I personally know actually vomited after this movie.People who easily get nauseous watching spinning or fast rewinded stuff should bring a barf bag.STOP laughing.

Justified Irritance

2008-03-18T00:03:00.001-07:00

How is it that some people can be so self-absorbed that they seem to think petty little problems are as major as they like to make it out to be?
And i mean petty.
Take a minute and think about people who are not that well-off.
Whose parents took loans, sold houses, sacrifice their life savings to get their beloved son/daughter through med school.
The grey hairs.The worry wrinkles.The old rickety furniture that should be changed.The old beat-up Datsun that has seen better days.
And the son/daughter who skips lunch to make their allowance last,knowing all that.
Who declines to go home knowing the airplane fare could be used for another priority.

Yet they stay.To achieve their dreams of being a life-saver one day.
Just to see the proud beaming face of their parents at the end of it all, satisfied that it was all worth it.
Just to help make a better future for their family.
How is that even comparable to your itsy.bitsy.little.puny problem?
And for heaven's sake we just had a classmate who lost his mother.
(Al-fatihah to Arif Iskandar's mom who passed last Sunday morning)
Other people have bigger issues.

Get over yourself,bitch.
Yes,you,you skinny dumb attention-seeking bitch.
And for the record, I am sure a lot of people would not give a rat's ass if u decide to leave.

17 march 2008

2008-03-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

i am now officially 22.
omigod.it feels old.i still remember being 18 and not wanting to hit the big two-oh.
hehe.
so anyway,in honour of my birthday=)
here's 9 things i want people to know.

1. 17 march is St.Patrick's day.Shamrocks rule baby!

U can read up more about the festival here.

2. I was born caesarian-style.The doctor had to come get me.
3. I was the only girl delivered that day.and I had hair!So I was clearly everyone's favourite.

Think her.With spiky fine hair.Uh-huh.I was irresistible. More cute babies here.

4. My mum actually went in labor on the 16th.Ceh.How not special.I like sharing my birthdate with a festival.
5. I made the papers on 18 March 1986.No,its not "Miracle Baby Girl" or something.Apparently Kalamazoo,Michigan town paper reports ALL new additions to the town.
6. I was raised in Malaysia.I left the US when i was months old.My "accent" is the product of tv. Blame Ninja turtles,GI joe,Carebears,Xmen,Thundercats,Jem,My little pony and that cartoon where adorable insects will eat moon-beamed water.
7. I have a pic of me when I was a day old.I look dead-ass ugly.

8. According to the parents,I was birat (dark or a certain bruised colour) when i was a kid.Not much sunlight in winter.
9. Oh yeah,I was born in winter.My dad says it was hell burying my tali pusat/placenta.

revival

2008-03-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

i m baaaaaaaaack!
yes.i just could not stay away.
i miss writing.

and there's a reason why my blog url is wat it is.
cmon peeps!comment/criticize please.
how else am i gonna improve my writing?